Tuesday, August 30, 2011

When the Wife Finds Out.....

**WARNING: Bitter woman post below.  In fact, imagine Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know playing in the background** (And no, sillies, this is not about me and JJ.  JJ is just fine.)

It's usually a phone call.  I can tell that his voice is different.  The tenderness is missing.  It's obvious that someone else is listening in because he just doesn't sound like himself, and certainly not like the man I've known for months.

The message he's delivering is cold, distant.

"I've spent the weekend talking with my wife, and we've decided that the best thing for everyone involved is for you and I not to have any further contact with each other."

Really?  You two have decided that the best thing for everyone involved is to cut off all contact with me? Since when does your wife decide anything for me? And she has my best interests at heart, too?  Yeah, right. You know what annoys me the most?  That this sounds like a "My mommy says I can't play with you anymore" call.

"So please don't make any attempts to contact me."

I shouldn't make any attempts to contact you? You make it sound like I'm a stalker.  The truth is that you have been the one calling me. You have been the one wanting more contact.  You've been the one begging for another afternoon of sex as soon as possible.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you.This is just the way it has to be."

Huh. If you're really sorry, you wouldn't be telling me this on a phone call in a tone of voice that sounds like we barely know each other.  This is the way it has to be, huh? But just a few days ago you said you would love me forever, that nothing would ever come between us.  Gee, forever is pretty short.

The truth is that I knew this day was coming.  It always comes.  In the infidelity world, there is no forever. I know the rules and I try never to forget them. That's why I rarely give my heart away. I couldn't survive if I got my heart trampled every time some guy was so sloppy that his wife became suspicious.

I wonder why men don't believe me when I tell them their wives are much smarter and more observant than they think they are?

You're sorry you hurt me.  I have some hurtful truths to share that I wanted to say on that phone conversation, but I chose not to because I know better than to complicate the situation any further.

But I wanted to say....

That's ok.  You'll be replaced soon.  You know that killer blow job you like so much?  Within a week or two some other guy will be getting that regularly. And you know how I would scream when you made me cum?  Well, I have no doubt that the next one will make me scream, too.

And while he is, I'll probably be thinking, "X and his wife were right, this is much better for everyone involved."

*********

Ok, it has been a while since something like this happened to me.  Surely, others of you have had similar experiences, some funny, some bitter. Tell us in the comments what you did when the spouse of your lover found out about your affair.

4 comments:

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

My current lover was caught. I didn't get the cold call. I got the, "I want to be with you no matter what," call. And a year later... Well, his wife isn't the naturally suspicious type--there haven't been any other slip-ups.

My former lover was caught and he cut off all contact after promising that he'd let me know what was going on. I didn't care that it ended--I cared that he never made that call/sent that email when he *said* he would.

About 6 months later I got a call from his wife--who was STILL going through his phone/emails/etc. So it was really for my protection that he cut off contact. We spoke that day (because when someone's wife calls me--all "respect-your-privacy" gloves are off), and it was full of reassurances that it would never happen again. Over three years later, I haven't heard a thing from him.

Nicholas said...

I have not waded into the infidelity waters, though I did dip my toe into the water. I went through a very rough spell with my wife that lasted about 3 years. I met a woman online, and we talked a good deal and hit it off. She was in a similar situation as me (spouses who had no interest in sex). We had an immediate connection. I was not yet ready to get physical, but was exteremely tempted. One day at work, we were exchanging some extermely arousing texts, causing my desire to peak.

After much fun, I received a text. "I just got a room at a hotel room two blocks from your office. See you here?" I jumped. I found her room, and walked in, and we started kissing passionately. I was not ready to take it further, but I was so worked up from our texts that I decided to take it up a notch. She climbed on top of me, with our clothes on, and we continued to kiss, our hands exploring. She grinded against me, and I could not hold back any longer.

She was unaware of this, and I continued kiss her and allow my hands to roam. I then had a moment of clarity of thought, and realized I was not yet ready to consumate this relationship and actually cheat on my wife, though I was dangerously close. I thought this as she began to unbuckle my belt, and I told her I was not yet ready.

She was disappointed and embarrassed, thinking that she did not do it for me, and after leaving, she texted me that she thought it best if we not see each other and devote our time to improving our marriages. I agreed. A week later, I sent her one last e-mail explaining how sexy she was and I had a quick trigger that day due to the incessant arousal via texts. She was thrilled by that.

We are still friends to this day, but since that time, my marriage has dramatically improved, as I did commit to throwing all I have back into my marriage. I am still tempted on occasion to call my friend and arrange something more, but to date, I have not done so for two reasons.

First,I decided that until I am 100% ready to move forward, it is not fair to a woman to explore my curiosities. I realized that I hurt a good person by teasing and testing the waters, when I was not yet 100% committed to the task. She was 100% committed and wanted a man. Though she knew I was not 100% ready, I should not have proceeded in any form of teasing knowing how badly she wanted it.

Second, I do not want to hurt my wife. Like I said, my marriage has improved dramatically over the past 6 months to a year. Stepping outside of that at this time will jeopardize that and will not be fair to my wife. I respect and love her too much to do that to her.

Thirdly, I took Kat's advice on not stepping out into infedelity until I am 100% committed to doing so, as after one time, it becomes easier and easier.

So, as long as my marriage is improving and my relationship with my wife continues to strenghthen, when I get the itch to pursue something physical with this frined of mine (who would do it in a heartbeat if I told her I was ready) I will satisfy my curiosity by living vicariously through all of you. :)

JerZey Girl said...

I love this post. So true!

AlleyG8r said...

Nope, only similar situation is when I was the one who was (almost) caught. My spouse didn't actually catch me, but had extremely strong suspicions that something was going on. I was able to give a warning to my affair partner (who, fortunately, had separated from her husband and lived alone). My wife never found out anything about her. A few weeks later, I was able to call her from a pay phone and give her the whole run-down, and so we worked things out.