Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Planes, Trains... and a Stripper

Daunt here.  I’m winging my way from Sacramento to the east coast.  On the first leg of my trip I get seated in the puddle jumper that is to take me to my next flight.  I’m seated next to another man and as small as the seats are there is barely room for our shoulders.  Finally the plane is in the air and about the time it levels off I hear the musical laughter of a woman behind me.

I get out my Kindle to kill time.  As I begin to read I keep finding myself distracted by the conversation brewing behind me.  I hear a man introduce himself to a young sounding woman and they strike up a conversation.  I focus more intently on what I’m reading trying to tune them out.

“Good to meet you Renee,” I hear the man say.  Uh ho, by the inflection in his voice I can tell he’s smitten.  Jeez, just read Daunt.  Forget about that nonsense.

“Yeah, I’ve worked in Reno, Las Vegas, Phoenix, and Los Angeles. I make good money in those places, but I’m surprised, I really do well in Sacramento too,” our young sounding miss says.

This little scrap of info penetrates my brain drawing me yet again out of my book.  Thoughts begin to percolate.  What can a young flirtatious sounding woman do to earn money in those various cities? Oh my... seriously?  There is a stripper seated behind me?  Great, now my book doesn’t have a chance.  She continues.

“Yeah, I work at Centerfolds in Rancho Cordova, that’s where the hot girls work hee hee.”

Yup. Stripper.

The couple’s conversation shifts to various vacations they’ve taken in their past, fun things they've done and tattoos they have.  I hear the man showing too much interest and Ms. Stripper talking much more than he is -- primarily about herself.  The beverage service starts.

“Hey,” I hear the man addressing our tattooed, flaxen, oft scantily clad miss, “would you like a drink?  Let me buy you a drink.”  At this point my mind starts screaming, Dude!  You’re a lamer! You might as well have crawled into her lap like a dog, belly up, with your tongue lolled out the side of your maw!

“Oooh fun.  Hee hee.  Yeah I’ll have a drink,” she replies.

Oh man, you poor sucker.  You’ve bellied up to the bar and she’s not even stripping.  You’ve become her bitch.  Finally I grow bored of her prattle and am able to read my novel.  We land and file out of the plane.  As I’m leaving the jetway I see our exotic dancer striding away, then I hear a familiar voice.  “Ummm, bye Renee!” our smitten man-puppy calls out.  She didn’t even look back or acknowledge him.

The moral of this story?  Never buy a stripper a drink.


Ryan Beaumont said...

Well I have to admit just on the chance there was a 100:1 chance I might get laid I'd risk about $5 bucks on a drink.

Then again, I'd want the blogging material! :)

I would not be so direct though. I'd order something dignified like a 7 and 7 or a Bloody Mary and then turn to her and say "can I get something for you." Hopefully I'd have a stack of drink coupons so the drink would actually be free (thus low buy in for her) but I'd look like a world traveler.

Gertie said...

I'd think about it like the $5/6 bucks on a plane is alot cheaper than a drink at a high end strip club. He really got a great deal. A plane ride's worth of flirting and conversation for a portion of the retail price.

Anonymous said...

I worked in a highly sexed bar during University for years. I saw a lot of guys attempt the pick up. Buying drinks is probably not the best route.

See, girls are used to having guys buy them drinks because they all do it. So when guys buy them drinks they are displaying lower value, or at least similar value to the rest of the group.

What he should have said was (playfully), "I decided that you should buy me a drink"

And then see where it goes.

Because she has probably had 100's of guys buy her drinks.

But I know you know game Daunt. I can tell from your tone in this post.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Ponyboy on this one Ryan. I think buying her a drink would lower your odds of making a lasting impression on her. This is a woman that is used to batting her eyes and having men fall over themselves to something for her. To make a memorable impression on her you need to not act like the men she typically deals with.

Gertie I understand what you're saying, but he already had the flirting and conversation without spending any money.

Kat said...

Hey Daunt,
The title of this post is "Planes, Trains...and a Stripper" but I didn't see anything about a train. Did I miss something? ;-)

Ryan Beaumont said...

That's why I say throw down an airline drink coupon. It says polite and world traveler! :)

But you'd have to make it no big deal like "I've got so many of these damn things will you help me get rid of one..."

Then talk about your favorite restaurant in Reno that reminds you of some restaurant in Venice. Get her talking about her earrings or watch; something she is interested in that she is not used to talking about with men. Famous, rich, and exotic people like talking about themselves but not about the things that are obvious.

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