Katnip

Single guy. He's like catnip for me. That would be "Katnip," then, right?

We can go months with no contact, but then when we do make contact again (text, chat, phone), I have a very physical reaction - nipples harden, pussy gets wet, breathing quickens. And I want him.  It's not love.  It's pure lust.

I don't understand it. The way it has gone with men all my life is that if a lot of time goes by between contacts, the fire cools and I can make a decision that is completely rational and unimpeded by my raging hormones.

But that's not how it is with Single Guy.  It's like he's a spark that ignites me. When I hear from him, my mind immediately takes me back to the memory of how he feels inside me and how forcefully he kisses me....and how strong his shoulders are....and....and......

And my body just responds. It's a physical response over which I have no control.

My conscious brain has no say in the matter. When I get some distance from the last contact, my rational brain steps in and says things like, "Single?  You don't do single men, remember?" (I maintain this "rule" even though I've done Single Guy more than once) and "You want more than a casual fuck buddy, don't you?" and "Come on, what's so special about him?" and "He's the one who just disappears on you for months at a time, remember?" Then my brain recovers control and I refocus on my life and my honey and my kids and my work.

Time goes by, and I let it go. Then there's another contact and....WHAM! I'm attracted to him like a cat to catnip. My body responds and I want to do whatever it takes to...well, you know. ;-)

So, now that you have the background.....

A couple of days ago, I saw the little light on next to his name on Google Talk.  I usually ignore that little light (rational mind, remember?), but this time I clicked on it and sent a quick message - "Hey." Yes, I was well aware that I was playing with fire, but I honestly didn't expect a reply. That's the deal with playing with fire.  You never really expect anything to happen.

Then I saw, "Hi!" That was followed by a very brief interchange along the lines of "How are you? How's the weather?" and then the phone rang. I answered.  He said who it was (as if I didn't know; my pussy had already twitched in response to his voice) and I was wigglin' for the catnip even though he was hundreds of miles away at the time.

Did we get together?  No.

Have we talked about it? Yes.

Will we?  I don't know. There are too many variables in play.

But I know this..... It has been quite a while since I've had a really good, hard, satisfying fucking. The more time that goes by without it, the more susceptible I am to Single Guy's "magic powers" and the more likely I am to follow my body's urging.

Given all this, you might expect me to say that I hate this feeling, but I don't.  I love it! When my body is aroused, my senses are all heightened and I feel alive. I am amazed that I lived for years without feeling this - this euphoric arousal that makes colors brighter and brings my focus sharply to the needs of my body to the point that I'm driven to distraction. In this moment, I feel like a woman again - not an employer or a mom or a writer or a wife or a maid or any one of the other roles I play in my life.

Here I am, 47 years old, and I've never felt more sexual, never felt more like a woman in my life. Would I change my lifestyle and go back to living the way I did before?  No way.

I need a little Katnip every now and then.