What I Want

I want passion.

I want to be consumed by my feelings for a man.

I want to know that he's into me, really into me, and that he wants me at least as much as I want him.

I want to feel that flutter in my heart when I hear his voice or get a text or email from him.

I want to be distracted by thoughts of him.

I want to know he's thinking of me, too.

I want to hear him say it.

I want to feel it.

I want sex that breaks down any barriers between us - uninhibited, wild, powerful, gentle, and loving....all at the same time.

I want to be able to be myself with him, hiding nothing.

I want to be able to tell him anything.

I want to be trusted.

I want to know that I matter to him.

I want  love.

FFF - Lighten Up!

Derek had been her best friend long before she introduced him to her roommate, Lisa. In the 8 years that she had known him, he had become like a brother to her.  There was no one she trusted more.  He was always the first call she made when she needed help. He was always there for her. And now he was dating Lisa.

Derek spent the night the night before, which was becoming more and more common. Lisa had to go to work early, waving at Sarah who was eating breakfast in their little kitchenette on her way out.

Sarah laughed as Derek stumbled out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

"Looks like you had another sleepless night," she said. "That's what it sounded like, too." She giggled and took another bite of cereal.

"Whatever," he grunted as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He sat down at the table and they started to chat about their plans for the day.

After a few minutes, he wanted more coffee and she wanted to put her cereal bowl away, and they both stood up at once and ran into each other. She looked up into his eyes and he looked down into hers.  They both froze. Neither said anything. His expression transformed from blank to confused to predatory.

Then he kissed her - forcefully, deeply, hungrily. She didn't think at all.  She just started pulling off his shirt, then hers, and then there was a flurry of activity as they tried to keep kissing while they pulled off their clothes and tossed them aside.

He pushed her over the table, forcing her to bend at the waist, and he drove into her from behind before she had a chance to grab onto the edges of the table. They both moaned loudly as he entered her.

He reached under her and started stroking her clit.  She responded by grinding against his hand and bucking back against his cock. She came quickly, surprising herself as well as Derek, and he wasn't far behind, pounding her mercilessly until his relief finally came.

After, they both collapsed on the floor, saying nothing, not even looking at each other at first.

Derek was the first to speak. "Wow," he said. "Did you see that coming?

"Nope," said Sarah, still looking straight ahead.

"I didn't see it coming,"he said, "but I've always wanted it to."

That was the beginning of a long discussion.  They decided to lay down on the floor and relax as they talked, kissing each other sweetly every now and then.

Without warning, Lisa burst through the door and ran into the kitchen saying, "I forgot my.....," her voice trailing off as she saw them.


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Read the other stories written by bloggers on the same topic for Flash Fiction Friday (FFF).

By the way, I went over the word limit, but I don't care. LOL.

Of Pussy and Post

From the day I added the word pussy to my phone's dictionary, I have regretted it.

It's not that I have any problem with the word pussy.  I love it.  I use it often.  I'm particularly fond of my pussy and I do my best to treat her right.

The problem is that my phone now regularly auto-corrects the word "post" to show up as the word "pussy."

Here's an example:

Client: Hey Kat, did you see that post on the ABC website about the new bidding opportunity?
Kat: Yes! I saw that pussy and I think we should definitely go for it!
Client: Uh, I think you were auto-corrected.
Kat: OMG.  Please just delete that.  I'm calling you now to talk about the bid.

Or how about this one:

Kat: I posted the instructions for completing the forms to the wiki, but I can't find them now.  I can't believe I can't find my own pussy.
Client: Hahahahahaha.
Kat:  Just shoot me now.

But there's more:

Client:  I saw your FB post about the ABC project. You left out the juicy stuff. Why did you edit it?
Kat: Well, I always try to clean up my pussy before sharing. It goes over better that way.
Client: I'm sure it does! LOL
Kat:  You KNOW that was auto-correct, right?  I meant "...clean up my POST."
Client: Sure, sure.....

And one last one:

Employee: When will you have your blog post done?  I want to schedule mine for the next day.
Kat: I'm almost finished. I can get my pussy scheduled in about 10 minutes.  I should be done massaging it by then.
Employee: Uh...TMI? LOL.

Have I mentioned that I hate auto-correct?

Revelation

I had an interesting revelation yesterday, or maybe it was more of an epiphany. Here's what happened....

I had just left a wonderful lunch with a special friend (a PWK reader, as a matter of fact), let's call him Fantasy Guy.  I'm sure you'll read more about him later. Anyway,  I got a text message from R, someone I had met on on AM.  R and I have texted and spoken on the phone, but we hadn't met. We had been trying to get together for weeks, but our busy schedules just never aligned. In fact, it seemed like every "conversation" was about trying to schedule something.

So yesterday, as I was chatting with R on the phone as I drove back from my visit with Fantasy Guy, it looked like we were actually going to be able to do it.  I had an appointment in the late afternoon, but after that we could meet. We arranged a time and a location. It was all set.

That's when the revelation hit.

I didn't want to.

At first, I felt it physically or, to be more accurate, I didn't feel anything. Nothing. It was weird. I'm used to having a physical response if I know I'm going to meet someone for a roll in the hay.  You know what I mean, don't you? But there was nothing.

As I was thinking about that, the revelation deepened. I didn't know this guy.  I had no feelings for this guy. We had "communicated" a lot in the past few weeks, but except for our first phone call, every conversation we had was about trying to arrange a get together.

It became very clear to me that a sexual encounter with a stranger was not what I wanted. Not at all.

I've been saying I was done with emotionless sex for awhile, but that had been an intellectual decision, a choice to go for something more in my life. Turning it down had been a struggle.  Why?  Because I love sex!

But yesterday was different.  I really didn't want it. Maybe it was the realization that I simply didn't know this guy.  Maybe it was because I was on a high from a great (non-sexual) time with Fantasy Guy. Maybe it's because someone else is on my heart. Until yesterday, turning down a good old sex hookup was sort of like saying "No, thank you" to a piece of delicious cake because you're on a diet.  You really want it, but you know you shouldn't, so you pass it up. Yesterday, it was like turning down the cake because you just didn't want any cake.

I simply didn't want any cake.

Whoa!!!!  That's new for me.  I always want cake...uh, I mean, sex. But not yesterday.  Not that kind of sex.

So, I got back to R and cancelled. I apologized.  I tried very hard to explain that I didn't want sex with a stranger.  I wanted a relationship, a friendship. I suspect I won't hear from him again. I can live with that.

After I cancelled, I felt relieved. I realized that I have been auto-pilot for a long time. If an opportunity for sex came up with someone I liked, there was no reason not to go for it, unless I was on a sex "diet" while I was seeing someone else or simply too busy with work.

Yesterday, I was not on auto-pilot. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically present at the wheel, and I walked away from what likely would have been some fantastic sex. No, not just likely.  It would have been great.

So, here I am in new territory, but I'm comfortable. I'm content.

Does this mean I'll never have casual sex again? Uh, I doubt it, but I really have no idea.  It does mean, though, that I have no intention of having any in the foreseeable future.

It's a new day in the life of this naughty Kat......

Valentine's Day for Prowlers

Valentine's Day is a little more complicated for Prowlers than for other couples. You can't just send your sweetie flowers or buy her some expensive jewelry. You have to go with things that won't be noticed.

But don't skip it!

I remember listening to JJ tell me all about what he did for his wife last year. It was sweet. Until it became clear there was no V-Day card or wish coming for me. That hurt.

Now don't be thinking negative thoughts about JJ.  He's pretty typical.  Lots of guys would think that their mistress would be ok not celebrating the holiday.  Ok, maybe not lots of guys, but definitely some. Besides, JJ is way too sweet and kind to be mad at him.

Anyway, here are a few tips about Valentine's Day for Prowlers:

1. At minimum, send an e-card. It's reasonably safe and it shows you were thinking of her.
2. Even better than an e-card would be to buy a real Valentine's card and write your own personal message inside - in your own handwriting! - and sign it. You can give it to her just like that, knowing of course that she'll have to throw it away after reading it, or you can scan it and send it to her electronically. The important part is that you write the personal message and that you go to the effort to select a card that conveys your sentiments.
3. If you love her, say so!
4. If you're going to buy a gift, go either with something cheesy that anyone could have given her or something that she can easily incorporate into her belongings without notice. Cheesy might be a little teddy bear that she can say one of the gals at the office gave her. An example of something that can be easily incorporated into her life might be some very simple, not-so-flashy jewelry. The perfect gift for me would be a colorful or funky flash drive. It would easily pass for something I would get for myself and every time I used it I would think of him. (I wanted to put those last two sentences in bold so they would be easily noticeable, but I decided that would be just a bit too obvious.)
5. The point is to make it meaningful. The odds are good that she's not with you for your money, so you don't need to spend a lot of money to impress her. Touch her heart. That will impress her.  That goes for your wife, too, by the way.

I'll be going to the store later today to shop for some V-Day cards. Shopping for cards for my husband and boys is pretty easy. Shopping for a lover is harder. Do they have cards that say, "For My Favorite Lover..No one has ever done me like you do?" 

And it's even harder to find something appropriate for an online-only friend. "To the guy I really like a lot who I've never met in person but who has seen me cum via webcam a bunch of times...." I don't think Hallmark makes that card.

So, Prowlers, what are you doing for your sweetie for Valentine's Day?  Please share with the rest of us. 

February's Sex Blog Chain - Love

February is the month of love, so of course that's the topic for this month's Sex Blog Chain.Our participating bloggers have quite a variety for you this month.

Ryan Beaumont - I Want to Thank You for Giving Me the Best Day - Ryan wins the award for "real life love" this month with his post that highlights the difference between falling in love and real love between two committed partners. His story really moved me.

Advizor - Honored  - The photo alone makes this one worth visiting. However, beyond that, it's quite a moving post.

Same Sassy Girl - The Love Chat - Both spicy and sweet. Sassy gives you a glimpse of an "I love you" chat with Phil. These two sure do love taking photos!

Ponyboy - Taking Her for Granted - Ponyboy discusses what a marriage looks like when the couple takes each her for granted, and how that can be avoided.

Kat - Love and Living Deliberately - I wrote about living life fully sand sucking all the marrow out of life.  No, that is not a euphemism for giving head. Sorry.

Remember, please take the time to comment as you read these posts and consider following these bloggers if you don't already.  If you do, share them with your friends. We *love* being passed around. ;-)

Also, stop by the Sex Blog Chain page to read the posts from previous months.  Some are pretty hot and naughty, but all are worth reading.

Love and Living Deliberately

I was talking with a friend yesterday about living deliberately and I pulled up the quote from Henry David Thoreau's Walden that talked about living deliberately, sucking the marrow out of life, cutting a broad swath and shaving close, and driving life into a corner. The part that hit home for me the most was the part about how he didn't want, when it came time to die, to discover that he hadn't yet lived.

Life is short. We've been given a seemingly unlimited capacity to love other people, yet we hold back for a whole bunch of stupid reasons. Of course, we don't think they are stupid at the time.

The biggest one is fear.  We're afraid that the other person won't love us back so we push our own feelings down as deeply as we can or we refuse to express them. If I don't tell you I love you then you can't reject me, right?  That's just crazy, isn't it? Sometimes we're afraid that loving someone will take us to a place we don't want to go, a place that will cause us to bring disorder to the life that we've been so careful to order or a place that will cause us to hurt others we love. This fails to acknowledge that love doesn't eliminate your decision-making ability. You still decide who and what you are and how you treat others in your life.  .

Another reason we hold back is a misunderstanding of what love is . We think we can't love more than one person. Well, it's likely that you already do.  You love your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your children. Sure, you love all these folks differently because love for each person is as unique and individual as people are. You would never say to a second child, "Sorry, I can't love you because I already love your older brother." That would just be ridiculous wouldn't it? Yet we essentially do the same thing with our adult relationships.  We limit our friendships and other love relationships because we "already have one."

It's time to quit listening to that little girl on the playground in first grade who told you that you could only have one best friend. You can have as many as you want. In fact, the more you share of yourself and your love, the richer your life is. Real love doesn't diminish the other loving relationships in your life, it enhances them

And there's another reason people hold back their love, and I've seen this a lot among men - they think that if they allow themselves to love another woman besides their wife that it means they are making a decision to leave their wife. Whoa! The decision to give a piece of your heart to someone and the decision to rearrange your whole life and tear apart your family are completely different things.

Some consider it a betrayal of their spouse if they love another.  By the way, I'm not talking about sex here. I'm talking about love. I certainly can't tell anyone what their own definition of betrayal is, but consider this: If you are in a relationship with another person that is close enough that you are making the decision not to talk about love because you think that would be a betrayal and if you're keeping it a secret, then you have already crossed that line.

Personally, I don't consider loving another to be a betrayal of my marriage vows. I never promised to close my heart to all other people from the moment of my wedding onward. I never promised to ration the love in my heart and give it only to those my husband approved. I never gave away the right to my own feelings, my own life. Marriage doesn't mean he owns me, body and soul. It means we love each other and we're sharing our lives together and we've promised ever to leave each other, to support each other through sickness and health, good times and bad, etc.  I honor all of those commitments. But I won't give away my right to love whomever I choose.

In the end, it's my life. The regrets will be mine alone.  Those don't get shared. So far, I've never regretted opening my heart to another person, even when I ended up hurt. Love is about the only thing in this life that is all good. What rational reason could I possibly have for limiting it? All of the reasons listed above are compromises. They buy you some safety and security, but the cost is very high. Maybe you're ok with that cost. If so, ok.

But I'm not. I'm not willing to end up at the end of my life (which could be today for all I know) saying, "I had the chance to experience an infinite amount of love, but I limited myself to just a small measure because it was safer or because someone told me that's all I should have." No, I prefer to be able to look back and feel the flood of goodness erupting from all the love I gave and received.

This doesn't mean that I'll have romantic feelings of love for everyone I meet. In fact, it's pretty rare. But it means that when they do rise up within me, I don't hold them back, even if the other person doesn't love me back.  Ouch.  Yeah, that's the hard part.  However, my part of "sucking the marrow out of life" is about giving love and opening myself completely to the human experience. Sometimes that hurts. Another person's refusal to give love to me (or anyone else)  is really not my business.  It's sad for them. It puts them in with most people who are in great danger of facing death someday realizing that they didn't truly live.

I've never once heard someone faced with a terminal illness say, "I so regret loving so many people and telling them that I love them." No, they usually express regret for opportunities to express their love that they didn't take. They often spend a significant portion of their remaining time telling people they love them and opening their hearts to love.

Why wait until the end of life is in sight to live deliberately and to love? If there is someone in your life you love that doesn't know how you feel, regardless of the kind of love it is, tell them today.  Right now.  Quit playing the tape in your head of all the objections and justification and reasons for not telling them.  Just do it.

Let that be your gift to yourself today.

Comic Relief

Here's a little fun for a Saturday evening for those of you who are...uh...having no fun on your Saturday evening......

This next one has the song that I've been whining lately.....

I know this last one is a little small, so let me just give you the punch line. Is he my type? He's hung like a horse. I have no other type. Bahahahaha.

For those of you who aren't laughing, like the cartoon above said, "My condolences."

Things I Want to Say to Ex-Lovers

When a relationship or encounter ends, I do my best to always be gracious. After all, it does no good to express a bunch of anger to the person. I prefer the high road - walk away without saying anything I might regret later and look at the whole thing as a positive experience and a lesson learned.

It also doesn't make sense to give them all the detail about why I'm breaking it off, if I'm the one walking away. A simple, but kind, "moving on" message is best.

I also try to maintain some of my own dignity.  Begging them not to leave me would be rather unbecoming, wouldn't it?  Not that I usually want to, but there have been a couple of times. I could make it hard for them, but I never do. No, I exhibit self-control and graciousness.

Don't I sound so mature?

The truth is that while I make sure to be gracious and sweet on the outside, there are all sorts of emotions and thoughts flying around on the inside. Those are the things I want to say, but I don't. Why don't I?  Because I don't want the result that saying them would have. There's no point.

But this morning as I was having some of those those thoughts, it occurred to me - I have a blog! I really can say them.

I wonder if each of my ex-lovers would know which statements apply to him. Interesting thought. Some apply to more than one person and, in some cases, several statements apply to the same man.

So, here they are, in no particular order.

• You're feeling guilty now?  Really?  Don't you think you could have thought about that before you came in my mouth?
• I'm not stupid. Just tell me the truth. I would have preferred that to your avoiding me for days or weeks.
• I loved you. I still love you.  I'm pretty sure I always will.
• You really weren't that good.
• Every single time I think of you I smile. 
• I faked it.  Every time.
• I didn't really leave you because I needed more time for my family.  I left you because of your incessant talk about wanting a threesome.
• Yes, your dick is too small and you need to develop some other skills to make up for that. 
• This might have worked if you could carry on a conversation. 
• You really hurt me. I know you apologized, and I know you did what you felt you had to do at the time, but you could have done it differently. I deserved better.
• Your constant pressure to come out and play at night when you knew that was family time for me was just too annoying. It felt like harassment. And when you acted hurt because I said my kids were more important that fucking around I was just blown away (and not in a good way). Buh bye.
• Damn, I miss you.
• Your veiled threat to tell my husband was not a good idea. I can't believe you would even consider such a thing. Do you really want this to become ugly when it doesn't have to?
• You're judging me?  Seriously? You went shopping for a woman on a site for married people, you found a married woman, and now you're making a moral judgement about me? What's wrong with you?
• Fuck you, Asshole!!!
• Quoting my own words from PWK to me constantly was really creepy.
• No, this affair isn't all about you. It's about me, too.
• My time with you was one of the best experiences of my life. I wish it could have continued.
• Why didn't you pursue me harder, make an attempt to show me you were really interested or, better yet, just tell me you wanted me? I can't read minds.
• You killed it for me when you asked if we could pray together for forgiveness after we had just screwed around.

Ahhh.....that feels better. Sometimes you just have to get that stuff out.

Have You Hit A Home Run Lately?

Do you remember talking with your friends in high school about making it to second base or hitting a home run? Or maybe you struck out.

Because baseball season is right around the corner and because I love both baseball and sex, I thought it would be fun to celebrate the close connection between baseball and sex in our culture.

There's a new blog out there that does just that.  Home Runs and Cherry Pie bills itself as the place "where passion for baseball, sex, and cherry pie meet."  Sounds like my kind of place, doesn't it?

Last week, they published 175 (Count Them!) Baseball Relationship and Sex Metaphors, the most definitive list out there of baseball-sex metaphors. Now, I knew there were a lot of them, but I had no idea there were this many!

Take a look and then share your favorites in the comments.

Head or Tail?

So, which is it?

A Week of Prowling on Ashley Madison

I just deactivated my AM profile again after a week of prowling and exploration.  I was looking for something/someone very specific this time and I believe I found it/him.  That's why I shut down the profile.  Who needs a million unwanted messages?  Not me.

The whole experience was interesting, though.  Some things haven't changed.  The "Wanna Fuck?" Boys are still there in force, leading with a message asking for photos or skipping straight to, "wanna fuck?" I wonder, does that strategy actually work for them? Or are they just too stupid to adapt? If the latter is true, I am glad we're doing a service for the next generation of prowling women because at least those guys aren't getting sex and won't produce any offspring.

Another thing that hasn't changed is the massive amount of men who haven't taken the time to actually complete their profile and write something interesting about themselves.  Am I really supposed to make a decision based on location, age, height, weight, and ethnicity?  Really?  Uh, no.

What has changed since the last time I logged on is that there is definitely more creativity.  While some guys still haven't figured it out, some definitely have. One of these days, I'll share some of the best profile write-ups I saw.

So, what attracted me this time? I think my fascination with boy toys is finally over because I was definitely drawn to the older guys again. There really is a difference in maturity, ability to communicate, and how they treat a woman - even when it's just online and over the phone. There are exceptions, of course, but I like being treated politely and having my messages returned in a timely manner.  Call me crazy. I enjoy having a non-sex discussion that doesn't feel like it's just something he's trying to get through so we can talk about sex.

I can admit that what I want in this regard has changed recently.  It's not that I want sex any less (oh, hell no!), but that I want more than sex. And I think I deserve more.

I want friendship, intimacy, and great sex.

I want it all.