DauntlessD, Where is he now?

Daunt here.  I know I haven't written as much as Kat, nor have I shared as much about myself; but from this point going forward I plan to.  I have no real goal in mind for this post, I'm just writing; and I seem to being lead just to introduce myself.  So, who is DauntlessD aka Dauntless Dreamer?  That's a good question, it's one I'm trying to figure out myself.  What I can tell you is a rough synopsis of how I got to where I am now.

Honestly it feels a little strange looking back on my life at age 43.  As I reflect, I now have the wisdom to see many of the patterns that caused me to choose the paths I did in life's crossroads.  One of these patterns is to do what I feel is the right thing for others even if it is to my own detriment.  Yes, it sounds selfless.  Yes, it feels honorable.  But it's a personality trait that has often hurt me.

I was married at 20 and shortly after had two children.  Needless to say life is pretty hard when you have two children early in your 20s.  By my mid-20s I realized I had no idea what I wanted in life.  This shortly after turned into a divorce.

Now remember that propensity I mentioned to always do the right thing for others?  Well this made the guilt and shame I felt for the divorce, and hurting my children, crushing.  So what did I do?  I bounced right into another relationship with a co-dependent emotionally unstable woman and married her.  The guilt and shame I felt from my divorce caused me to shutout my family and stay with my second wife for way, way too long.  Why? Because I thought I was doing the right thing for her, and I didn't want to feel that guilt and shame that I felt before.

I'm not sure when it happened exactly, but within the past couple of months I've had a strange realization.  I had finally forgiven myself for divorcing my first wife and hurting my children.  I think it happened within the past two years and it wasn't until I was living alone that I was thinking clearly enough to see it.  It has had an amazing affect on my outlook.  I don't have those awful feelings in regard to my second wife -- honestly I feel cleansed.

Today, looking forward, I feel like I'm getting a second chance at life. A second chance to live. I'm excited by the opportunities.  Also I know and understand myself better than I ever have before; I'm more confident in me and who I am.  Then at the same time it's daunting, almost overwhelming.  How on earth does a 43 year old man restart?  What am I going to do with this second chance?

Well PWK fans, it looks like you have a front row seat.