Cyber Sex Challenges

I was reading through my list of favorite blogs this morning, and I came across a great post by Liam in The Accidental Philanderer. His post, Someone Who Can Teach Me, provides a great (and hilarious!) example of the challenges of writing about sex. You must (yes, I said must) read it.

It's not as easy as many people think. Seriously. And it's definitely harder than having sex.

Here are my biggest sex-related writing challenges:

1. Naming the female genitalia.  How many words are there for pussy, really?  Pussy. Cunt. Womanhood. Nether regions. And there are times when none of those is right. Then you have all the gross ones that guys like to banter about, but they are usually not words I would ever say, let alone write.
2. Naming other body parts. Breasts. Tits. Boobs. Girlie bumps.  Girls. (sigh) This is going downhill fast, isn't it? And what about balls? How many acceptable words or phrases are there for scrotum? I know the mark of a good writer can often be found in describing, rather than naming, but a written description of balls is just unappealing no matter you write it.
3. Not sounding corny. Yeah, sometimes I just can't help it and I'll slip into romance novel mode.  There's nothing necessarily wrong with romance novel mode, of course, assuming you're writing a romance novel, but I think a sex blog should be a little more honest, a little more raw. And a cyber sex session should definitely be hotter than a romance novel.
4. Avoiding adjective diarrhea. In an effort to be descriptive, it's easy to just string together adjectives (hot, dripping, gooey, hungry cunt). That's just lazy, and annoying. I try never to string together more than two adjectives when a more detailed description can be even better.
5. Describing orgasm. There are lots of ways I've chosen to describe orgasm, and I've seen it described in lots of ways, but they almost all fall short.

If you're new to cyber sex, I have just a few tips to help you out:

• Don't be afraid to talk/write dirty. That's pretty much the point, ya know.
• Imagine; then describe. Think about what you actually would do in a particular situation and then write about it descriptively. It will come across more realistically that way. Of course, if what you think you would really do is gag and throw up, you may want to use your imagination and make something up instead.
• Master one handed typing. Uh.....I think you know what this one is about. It really sucks to be in a cyber sex conversation with someone only to have them go silent when things start getting interesting. If you are playing with someone who can't type with one hand (face it, some of your guys can barely type with two hands), try taking turns doing the "talking" while the other one plays after it gets going.  Another alternative is to use voice recognition software, like Dragon NaturallySpeaking Home, Version 11.  Then you can talk, instead of type, and play with two hands (which comes in very handy for the ladies). Of course, this assumes you are some place where you can speak freely. Since most of you dogs out there cyber late at night while wifey is asleep in the other room, this may not work for you.
• Use short, simple sentences and the active voice.  You don't have to make it fancy. Just be direct.
• Use the first person singular for yourself (I, me) and the second person (you) for your partner.  I just think it's more intimate this way. Some people like using third person (he, she, it), but that feels impersonal to me, almost like voyeurism rather than being an active participant.
• Remember that it's not all about you. Just like real sex, there's another person involved who is looking for something, too. Don't be a jerk.  Think about what your partner wants.

I suppose the best advice is just to have fun.

By the way, I am completely open to your help with my challenges.  If you have any good words or ideas for naming genitalia or other body parts, feel free to share them.