As you might have guessed, my real name isn't Kat and most of the people in my real life don't know anything about this blog or my prowling ways. In fact, I'm quite the picture of respectability - business owner, soccer mom, churchgoer, pillar of the community. I contribute to bake sales, I chaperon school field trips, and I work a board room better than most. To paraphrase a famous song - I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let my husband forget who's the man.
I think I'm pretty good at keeping my worlds separate, but every now and then the boundaries get a bit muddled. I have one very good friend from my prowling world who has crossed over to be a true friend in my real life. And I have a friend from my respectable life who knows all about Kat and my adventures (well, not all of my adventures, but many; some secrets are shared with no one...ever). These two wonderful people provide just enough connection between my two worlds to keep me from feeling schizophrenic.
But every now and then, someone in my respectable world comes dangerously close to my prowling world, and I have to make a decision. Quickly deflect, change the subject, and hope they missed it? Or trust them and let them in on my secret? Well, that second option is just stupid, since I want to stay married, so I always default to the first choice and I start talking around the issues until we're talking about sports or the new line of Coach purses.
The real problem comes up, though, when there is someone in my respectable life who I want to pull into my prowling world. It happened to me today. I was having an impromptu lunch with a man I have known and loved as a friend for years. In fact, he was a friend of my husband's before he was my friend. Yes, I can see the flashing red lights and sirens telling me to step away from the danger zone, but this man draws me to that danger zone. Now, I just said I love him as a friend, and that's the truth. Have I ever thought about more than that? Heck yeah! But all of the rules of respectability say not to go there...and he's made it clear in the past that he's not interested. Doesn't get much clearer than that, right?
Today, though, I was tempted to just tell him about my prowling secret, but I didn't, of course. Then, later on, he was using my phone to check his email and my Kat email came up instead. Ack! So, I told him quickly about the blog. No details. No URL. Just the name, and that it's a sex blog, and then the subject change. It was a clumsy combination of the two options above - not a full deflection, but not full trust or disclosure, either.
It's official. I'm an idiot.
What good does it do me to expend all the energy I have for years to keep my two worlds separate if I'm just going to blow it by saying too much to one off-limits guy I've had a crush on for years? And when I say "saying too much," I'm talking about showing a glimpse of my prowling world through the lens of the blog. The identity of my honey-on-the-side would never be revealed, along with a bunch of other secrets. I'm actually a very good secret-keeper.
Also, don't get me wrong, I really do cherish this guy's friendship. He's easy to talk to and we can really relate to each other on many levels (I'm talking about all the respectable levels. Get your minds out of the gutter, Prowlers.). Unfortunately, we can't really pursue our friendship as we would have liked because, well, that just wouldn't be proper.
Not only is he off-limits, but I'm very happy (very, very happy in fact) with my current honey-on-the-side. He gives me exactly what I'm looking for and more.
Remembering that gives me added incentive to keep the two worlds separate so I can continue to enjoy him for a long, long time.