Friday, April 15, 2011

Attitude Reset, the "Plate of Cookies" Mentality

I am often bewildered when I try and understand women. Being a thoughtful person and a bit of an intellectual typically serves me well. However, in the arena of women and Prowling I often find myself lost down a rabbit trail, tricked by my own mind. I have discovered that with Prowling relationships this state of bewilderment and confusion can often be amplified.

There is an odd dance that occurs when Prowling. Each party takes a step trying to find out the other's motivations while at the same time protecting themselves. Recently I had began communicating with a woman I met via Ashley Madison and was sharing a concern with our delightful Kat. We were IM'ing each other but I could see her eyes rolling just before she said, "Good grief Daunt, you're totally over thinking this! Just send her a note telling her you'd like to see her again." I took her advice and, lo and behold, I quickly got a response, "Yes Daunt, I would love to see you again." *sigh* Clearly, I'm a very silly man...

I mentioned to Kat that I really need to work on keeping my frame of mind on the "Plate of Cookies" concept. Years ago I had heard this promoted as a sales concept but it works for me in this context, too; it helps me stop over thinking things. The idea is that if you have a plate of cookies, and you hold it out to someone. Whether the person chooses to take a cookie or not is up to them. If they choose not to take a cookie, you're not upset, there's nothing lost; you just move on to the next person.

How does this apply to Prowling? Simple! Don't think, be friendly, be yourself and make your offer -- hold out that plate of cookies. And by this, gentlemen, that doesn't mean saying, "Yo, wanna fuck?", when first meeting a woman. The cookies you're offering need to be appealing for the state of the relationship in that moment.

If you are turned down, don't take it personally! All they did was pass on a cookie. Just continue to be friendly and don't let it affect you. Maybe the other party will offer you a cookie before you have the chance to offer another of your own. If not, move on to the next person; the last one just got you that much closer to finding the person that does like the cookies you're offering.

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