Thursday, April 14, 2011

Just a Heads Up from Kat about Blow Jobs

I was going to call this post, "10 Things Kat Wants Men to Know about Blow Jobs," until I realized that the simple fact that I wrote it implies that these are things I want you boys to know about blow jobs. Then I thought of calling, "Kat's Advice for Men about Blow Jobs," but I thought all the straight guys out there would think it didn't apply to them, which is not the case. So I asked  a good friend and reader for her ideas, and she and her significant other saved the day.

While I was writing about thoroughly enjoying licking and sucking P's delightful cock (see Like Cool Water in a Desert - Another Naughty Adventure with P), it occurred to me that there are many things men should really know about being recipients of BJs that would make the experience more pleasurable for them and their partners.

I know, you're thinking, "Uh, Kat....what do I need to know? I'm the passive recipient of a BJ.  Women are the ones who need the advice." First of all, if you use the word "passive" in reference to any part of the sex act, I'm glad you're not my lover.  Second, if you don't want to read on, don't. Not everyone is into optimizing pleasure.

Now it's time for my typical disclaimer - Everyone is different.  All women are individuals. So are men. Any set of rules or suggestions is bound to miss the mark for somebody for one reason or another. All I have to offer is the opinion of a woman who has given over 5,000 BJs over the past 25 years.  Oh god, that makes me sound and feel old and used.  To be accurate, the vast majority of those were for Hubby. Also, I have talked with many women about giving BJs.  In short, I've learned a few things.
  1. Many women don't like giving blow jobs because they simply don't know how to do it. Women are not just born with this knowledge or skill. For the most part, we come across it through experience and practice. Every once in a while, we ask for guidance (see 10 Tips for Wives to Keep Your Husband from Cheating). The more inadequate a women feels in this area, the less she'll want to do it.  Over time, this attitude becomes more and more entrenched. You may think she does it really well and she has no reason to feel inadequate, but you need to communicate that.
  2. Unless you know your lover loves to swallow your cum and doesn't mind it in her mouth, you should probably give a warning when it's coming. Over time, she'll know when you're about to cum, but if she's young or the relationship is new or she hasn't sucked your cock very much, she'll have no way of knowing unless you give her a clue. Unexpected cum in the mouth is one of the biggest BJ turnoffs for women who are new to "the craft."
  3. Don't take the gag reflex personally, but learn about it and respect it. FYI- Our throats were not intended to swallow big cocks whole. I know that must be a terrible disappointment to you, but it's just the way it is.  The gag reflex is the body's attempt to forcefully expel from the throat anything it doesn't think should be there. In order for a woman to take your cock into her throat she needs to have learned how to suppress the gag reflex. It's not easy to do. For some women, it's easier to suppress at the beginning of the BJ, but then the throat just closes up when it the body figures out what's happening.  For others, it's easier later in the BJ because they can slowly relax their throat. Trust me, it is in your interest to be sensitive to this and to not force her to take it in her throat if she isn't ready or if she hasn't mastered this skill.  You do so at your own peril. If you don't believe me, ask me to tell you the story of the guy in college who kept forcing it. All I'll tell you now is that I had been drinking - a lot - and my gag reflex kicked in and did it's job and he was not very happy.  He didn't ask me out again, either, but once you've vomited all over a guy's dick you pretty much know the relationship is over.
  4. A woman can't cum from giving a BJ. I know you've seen porn flicks in which a woman magically cums and moans with pleasure while giving a BJ.  That's not reality. That's not how female biology works. Now, there may be an unusual woman out there who swears that she can cum while sucking cock. I won't call her a liar, but it's not the case for 99.9999999999% of women. So guys, what this means to you is that if she blows you and you cum, sex isn't over unless you helped her reach orgasm before sliding your cock in her mouth.
  5. Small cocks are much easier to suck and please than large ones. The corollary to this is that thin cocks are easier to suck than thick ones. If you have a big cock, you're just going to have to be more patient as your lover learns the logistics of your equipment. Sucking a thick cock for a long time can really make a gal's jaw sore. Also, the act of having to hold her jaw open that wide causes her to be less able to do other things with her toungue, lips, and soft palate. Try it.  Hold your mouth open as wide as you can for a long time and then try to move your lips and tongue in different ways.  Now try it with your mouth open about 3/4 of the way.  Big difference, right?
  6. If you want her to spend lots of time on you and not want it overwith right away, be patient with her efforts. Be tolerant if she suddenly stops sucking you the perfect way.  It could be that her jaw is in more pain than she can handle, or maybe she feels her gag reflex kicking and she is doing you a favor by pulling back a bit, or maybe she can't breathe and she's opting to back off a bit before she passes out.
  7. Recognize that breath control is an important part of giving good head. If a gal has a cold, she'll have trouble because breathing through the nose is important (I've done it while breathing only through my mouth, but it's difficult and very uncomfortable). Also, you may think that the way you're pumping her head up and down on you really fast is very cool, but if she doesn't get her breathing under control, it's not going to last very long.
  8. Giving feedback really helps. Some of you guys are totally silent during the sex act, and that's ok, but it's very difficult for a woman to know if you like the way she's sucking you unless you tell her.  This is especially true for younger women and those with less oral experience, but feedback is helpful for all of us. And I'm not just talking about a breathless, "That was great, Baby" after the fact. The more feedback you give during the act, the better it will be.  "Oh, that's perfect." "Yeah, Baby, just like that." Verbally expressing what you like will make sure you get more of it.
  9. A woman can be great at giving oral, but suck at 69. I explained this in detail in my post, Why I Suck at 69.
  10. Don't be a jerk. Gee, this little tidbit of advice seems to come up in almost all of my advice lists, doesn't it?  There's a reason for that, ya know. Pushing on a gal's shoulders trying to force her to her knees to suck on you when she's resisting is not sexy. Fucking a gal's mouth so hard that she can't breathe and has to fight her way free is not sexy. Demanding oral when a woman is reluctant because she doesn't know how or she doesn't like it is not sexy. All of these behaviors will make the average woman not be into pleasing you. Remember, if you please her, she'll want to please you.  If she's reluctant to do something to please you, the first place you should look is in the mirror to make sure you're doing as much to please her as you can.
Stepping down from my soapbox now, wondering how long it's going to be until my sweet honey-on-the-side lets me suck his cock again. Mmmm....not soon enough!

2 comments:

Holly S said...

Love this post! Not that the man in my life needs the advice ;)

Kat said...

Thanks, Holly! And I'm certain that *your* man doesn't need this information (really, I am...I've read your blog and his, and you two seem to be just great), but most of the other 3.5 billion men on earth do....but they think they don't. Go figure. :)