Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Too Old? Too Young?

I got an email recently from a reader that said, "I was hoping my age wouldn't scare you away. I know you like them older." He's 30.

That got me thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of men of different age groups. My young reader was right when he said that I like older men.  In fact, until fairly recently, I was pretty much only interested in older men. But then some younger guys got my attention and I've had to re-evaluate my preferences. 

People change. I was 20 when I first developed my preference for "older men," which I considered to be 40-60 at that time.  I'm in my late (ahem) 40's now and, let's just face it, there aren't as many eligible and desirable men who are older than me now, certainly not as many as there were 25 years ago. As I have broadened my preference range, I've noticed there are some really desirable features in all age groups.

For ease of discussion, I'll divide men into three groups: younger (18-39), older (50-65), and contemporaries (40-49).

The younger guys have some obvious advantages - enthusiasm, energy, stamina, willingness to experiment. Many also have hard, young men's bodies, which is very nice, of course. Young men don't have a corner on these characteristics, though.  The men I've been with who had the most stamina were 50 and 63 years old. The biggest disadvantage of younger men is that most really don't know how to please a woman yet, but they think they know.  Those who do know something about giving a woman pleasure only have one or two tricks in their little toolboxes.

Older men also have some great advantages. The most notable advantage is that most know their way around a woman's body. There is just no substitute for this. All the energy in the world can't beat a man who knows exactly how to make me scream with pleasure. Older men are also usually settled in their careers and they have great advice to give.  I'm not kidding.  I've received some of the best business and accounting advice from older men while resting in bed between "sessions."

I think the trick with older men is to find the ones who are not "old" yet.  And if you are a man between 50 and 65, you need to do what you need to do to keep from getting prematurely "old."  The two men I referred to above with the great stamina are definitely not old.  One is still a competing triathlete at the age of 63 (wow!) and the other used to be a competitive speed boat racer. He doesn't race anymore, but he has stayed very active in that world.

The biggest surprise for me has been getting to know my contemporaries. These men who are in their 40's now are the ones I was supposed to have been dating 25 years ago, but I gave then no attention at all because I thought they were too young for me. They are between the younger and the older and they seem to have the advantages of both without most of the disadvantages of either group. The thing that really surprised me is that I have a lot in common with this age group (I know, it's a no brainer, but I just figured it out).  We understand the same cultural references and are familiar with the same music.

Those with whom I have developed long term, close relationships (DauntlessD, Webcam Guy, JJ) are in this group.

Now that I've said all that, I'll confuse you further with my belief that chronological age doesn't matter if you're looking for a long term relationship of any kind with someone. If you just want a quick roll in the hay, go with your preference, but for a longer term relationship, it's not about age.  It's about enthusiasm, caring, selflessness,character, sense of humor, and a bunch of other characteristics that have nothing to do with age.

My mom used to tell me and my siblings, "You won't be able to attract the kind of man/woman you want until you become the kind of man/woman that he/she would want."

If there's something you need to do to better yourself, do it.  Get off the couch.  Learn something. Meet people. Engage with life.

Then you'll be interesting, regardless of your age.


Read Advice for Prowlers to learn a few things about successful prowling.


Elle said...

Love this insight Kat. I think I need to give my ageism a reexamination!


i LOVE your blog! I read it all the time! Please follow me back.. I'm new to this blogging world and I'd love to gain some more followers (plus I think you'll enjoy my blog)

Thanks happy blogging! :)


Naughty Kitty said...

Kat, I agree with this of course. I have just been with a younger man (35 at least that's what he admits to). The fact that we were able to fuck twice in an hour is also an advantage of a younger guy. But as you said, he could learn his way around a woman maybe over time.

I'm sticking with contemporaries or a little older with a young one thrown in ocassionally ;)

Clem said...

I am an older man that had a 2+ year affair with a 38 yr old bi-woman. I recently ended. She exclaimed to me many times, that I was the best, most sensuous, and complete lover she's ever had. Yes, I knew my way around her body well. She told me also no one could make her cum the way I could
So yes, Kat, I appreciate your comments regarding older men very much. My problem is, I can't find a woman like you, in your age group, that wants an older man. Please spread the word, I'm not in it for me, but for her, to please her, as it then comes back to me so much better. I'm 61 now, and really doubt I'll ever find another woman so open, inviting, willing and sexy as she was.

Kat said...

Elle- Thank you!There's a whole world of delicious men out there.

FAILMALEs - I just followed your blog and I'll get it on my blog roll soon. I look forward to reading lots of great posts. Good luck to you!

Naughty Kitty - I have definitely known some older men who could go two or three times in an hour, so don't write them off yet. I loved your comment, "I'm sticking with contemporaries or a little older with a young one thrown in ocassionally." That made me smile because it sounds like young ones are a little treat thrown in between the real meals. Hehe.

Clem - I think you're too quick to write off the possibility of meeting a younger woman who will appreciate you. You found one. Trust me - she's not the only one out there. :-)

Naughty Kitty said...

Just after I wrote that I met a contemporary (50-51). I ADORE him by the way and something tells me he can go twice in an hour. I'll let you know.

Dark Sparkles said...

This always seems to be a very sensitive subject for the older guys I have found. I can't tell you how many times I have looked at a man's pic and instantly knew he was older than the stated age on the profile.
I am 52 and have been told I only look 40. I do everything I can to keep myself looking good.I can't say that for many men my age. I love younger guys. My experiences with them have always been some of the best sex of my life. The 1 time I went a man older than myself it was horrible. He also threatened to expose me when I broke things off. I also find them to be too conservative in their views of life for me. If I'm going to have something on the side, I'm sorry but I'm a superficial woman. I don't want to fuck a guy who looks almost my Dad's age.I could make an exception if the personality won me over they're looks. Hasn't happened yet.

Naughty Kitty said...

Okay I had to come back and comment. I was just with a 51 year old...HE came 4 times in under 2 hours. I lost count of how many times I came. he counted at least 4. I am down with the older men.