Saturday, January 28, 2012

On Becoming a "Mature" Woman

A few days ago I corresponded with one of our readers. He emailed and we struck up an email conversation that eventually turned into a phone call.

We talked about lots of things, but one of the things that struck me was that, as we were talking about sexual exploration, he commented that it's not common for people my age to be so open about that sort of thing.

My age?

He's 31. I'm 47.

Don't misunderstand. He wasn't insulting me at all. He was helping me and providing some valuable insight for my business. Well, not when we were talking about sex, but that's where the conversation ended up - business.

It finally occurred to me that 31 year olds look at 47 year olds as "old." Yes, virtually 50. {sigh} And when I remember back to when I was 30-31, I did the same thing. I assumed that sex at 47 must be very sad , a poor reflection of the hot sex I was having at 30.

If I could go back and speak with 31 year old Kat about the matter, I would tell her that she has no idea how amazing sex in her mid-late 40's is going to be, and that the sex she's having in her early 30's is like spaghetti without sauce or nachos without jalapenos. Not bad, but nothing as tasty as it will be later.

At 47, I am much less inhibited than I was at 31 (and I wasn't very inhibited then). I have an appetite for new and different things, and I'm much less concerned about how I will perceived than I was 16 years ago. I have a true sense of who I am and what I want. At 31, I would have said that I did, but I had no idea how much more of me was yet to be discovered by me.

Without question, the best sex of my life has been in my 40's. I am certain that 20 or 30 year old Kat would never have believed it would be possible.

I remember my aunt telling me that a woman really comes into her own in her 40's and that the 40's may possibly be the most exciting time of a woman's life. At this stage of my life, I would agree with her, but I'm kind of interested in what the 50's will bring. Many of the limits that used to be placed on women have been pushed aside and our lives are, for the most part, more within our control.

The problem is that we tend to give that control away, or trade it away for security, safety, sometimes "love." If we can avoid giving it all away, incredible experiences await us.


DauntlessD said...

Fantastic Kat... this is just freakin' fantastic. Talking about age seems to have cast some sort of strange voodoo spell. Your post went up then I go check the mail and find that AARP sent me membership cards :-/

Luna Moon said...


And I am NOT a religious person!!

Sex in my 40's has been...fantastic...incredible...wonderful...the best!

When I was a 21yo know-it-all, 30 seemed old to me and 40 seemed ancient. Now that I'm the ripe ol' age of 44, I am enjoying life more than I ever could have imagined.

Here's to our 40's and may our 50's be...fantastic...incredible...wonderful...the best!!

Ryan Beaumont said...

I guess once you have all you need you can focus on all you WANT! Nice post.

I want some goddam snow right now. Had to forgo skiing this weekend for washing my car in Janu"effin"ary! :)

Bob said...

I had a similar experience recently -- I even wrote about it on my blog. I was told something along the lines of "the kids today are just more sexual than when you were my age." I mean, really?

A quick question... is the sex better now because you know more and you are more experienced, or has your body changed? Or maybe are your lovers better? In my case, I'm much more confident about my abilities, something that comes with experience, not simply aging.

Clem said...

Over the pas 6 years, I've had the best sex of my life, and I came of age in the 'free sex' 70's.
I'm 61 now, and 30-somethings like on AM call me a 'creeper'.
Thank god for a few late 30's/early 40's females that look for a well-expereicned, erotic and sensual man that knows how to please a woman, and is not in it just for *me*.
A set of encounters with my 'nurse' friend, after an exhausting 3-hr set, she said "Where'd you learn to fuck like that?"
OK, I may not be getting the youngest ones, but I'll settle for the very satisfying approach and results I have, and what I give.
Their loss.

The Lustful Literate said...

I have had the same experience, Kat. Sex in my 20's was always fraught with insecurity and fear of "giving myself up". By my 30's, I was finally beginning to understand my own needs and wants...experimenting and exploring with greater abandon. I'm not to my 40's yet, but I can only imagine that it will continue to get better and better (and I don't think I would have believed that 10 years ago). Every year, another layer of inhibition slips away and I begin to feel lighter, more free. It's obvious that men appreciate that, too. Young men, I believe sometimes (just like young women) can have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others. Once they stop imposing their stereotypes and misconceptions on one another (even if it's unintentional), the sky is the limit. Sex is so much more fun when we aren't trying to fit ourselves and our lovers into a pre-constructed box. Keep up the posts - it's great to hear what I have to look forward to!

jam said...

sex in my 50's has been great. my FB and i have brought such passion to our sessions. i've almost passed out from cumming so much. i'm 57 and he's 61. we've been together for 11yrs. keeps getting better and better. i've always had a huge sexual drive. i remember a few yrs ago one of bloggers who was getting ready to enter her 30's. she was sad because she thought sex would be over in her 40's and 50's. wow. sex is a big part of my life. i cant imagine that sex wont be a part of my life when i'm older. love the post. take care.

Mr. Dryden said...

Oh Kat, I love you. :)

Please don't think about that too much...

I'm sure he just meant that people "your age" don't generally blog about their experiences online. Of course, at 31, what does he know... more people in their 40's probably blog than he could ever imagine.

You are the sexiest 47 year old I know. The way you openly express yourself, your desires, and your heart makes you smokingly hot!

Keep doing what you do! XO!

Kat said...

Daunt - Hehe. Glad I could help.

Luna Moon - It's great, isn't it?! Here's to even more adventures and the full capacity to enjoy them!

Ryan - I avoid snow. That's why I live where I do. Why would you want it???

Bob - For me, it's a combination of experience and body changes. The hormonal changes that go on in a woman's body at this time of life are unbelievable. Those of us who are lucky get the extra shot of sexual desire.

Clem - Hey, hey, hey! You exclude women in their late-40's? Shame on you!

Lustful Literate - I think you are spot on that it has a lot to do with shedding inhibitions and limiting views of ourselves. The next decade is going to blow your socks off. ;-)

jam - 11 years! Wow! I hope I can be as fortunate.

Mr. D - You are so sweet! Thank you!

alterego51341 said...

question for Clem...Would you want someone younger than 30? If so, how young would you go? Why not women closer to your own age bracket?

Kat said...

alterego51341 - I'm with you. Why not women closer to his own age?

Clem - Hey, Clem! You haven't answered. :-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post! I am forty and am having the best sex of my life, I don't wish to have it you gave me something to look forward to. As a side note my Mom says getting older is the best thing for a women because you stop giving a damn about what people think and start living your life. She is going to be seventy. By the way I love your blog.