To Tip or Not to Tip?

I'm not talking about tipping your fuck buddy. If you do that, you're paying a prostitute, rather than having an affair.  I'm talking about tipping the maid/housekeeper at a hotel.

First off, I know this will come as a shock to some of you who never even thought about tipping housekeeping staff.  That's ok.  It's never too late to make the transition from selfish hick to decent human being.

The standard for tipping the maid is $2 to $5 per night, depending on the quality of the hotel.  I know it seems lousy that you should have to tip when you have already paid for a whole night when you are only going to be there for a few hours, but remember this: The maid has exactly the same job to do whether you are in the room for an hour or a full day. Don't take out your cheapness on her.

How do you know if you should tip $2, $5 or more? First, start off the with quality of the hotel and the number of stars. Tip a base of $2 at a two star hotel, $3 at a three star hotel, $4 at a four star, $5 at a five star. That's per day.  If you go on a multi-day getaway with your honey, you should tip each day, in cash.

(By the way, if you're taking your honey to single star hotels, for godsake save your money and take her to a  nicer place. Geez.)

Did you notice I said that those amounts are a base? Those amounts are the starting point. If she has any extra clean up to do as a result of your playtime activities, tip more.

Here's an example. If there is any blood or other bodily fluids (fecal matter, urine, semen) left anywhere in the room, pay above the base. How much? It depends on the mess. The only exception to this rule is that a small amount of cum on a sheet (not the bedspread, not the floor, not the wall) is within the normal range.  Anything else is above and beyond.

I think you should leave $10 if you leave a stain (or stains) of fecal matter (it's an unfortunate side effect of anal play sometimes). I also think $10 is appropriate if there is even a little amount of any bodily fluid left anywhere other than the sheets (ok, a towel is ok, too).

I assume that we all try not to make too much of a mess, but sometimes it can't be avoided. Once, after a particularly intense and kinky session of BDSM play, I left $20 and a kind note of apology after trying to clean up a little myself to lessen the shock when the maid came into the room. It was nothing like a mess left by a wild rock star, but it was gross and clearly above and beyond a maid's normal call of duty. That's an extreme example, but I hope you get the point.

If you don't want to do it for the maid because she has a crappy job, and you don't want to do it because it's just the right thing to do, please do it for me and all of your fellow prowlers. We already face enough when we check into a hotel for several hours - everything from too many questions and knowing smiles to lewd glances, inappropriate propositions,  and sometimes even higher room rates. Don't make it worse for all of us by leaving a hideous mess and not tipping the maid for her extra effort.

We're classy cheaters.  We have a reputation to uphold.