Thursday, January 5, 2012

Things to Think About Before You Cheat - A Public Service Announcement

Last March I published a post (9 Things to Think About Before You Cheat) that I pulled because someone I know got really freaked out about it.  I was thinking about it today, though, and I went back to revisit it.  The ideas shared in that post are good ones and should be considered by someone before the decision to cheat is made.  So, I re-activated that post in the archives and I have reproduced it here as sort of a public service announcement.

If you have not cheated, but you're thinking about it, please read this first!

9 Things to Think About Before You Cheat

I have been having a very interesting email exchange with a gentleman over the last couple of days that has some real potential. It got me thinking, though, about the whole "before you cheat" phase of a relationship. There are some important things to be considered before you make the decision to cheat. 

As you read the list, please keep in mind that I don't mean to freak you out, but the decision you are about to make is not an inconsequential one. It could impact your children, your entire family, if you are not careful. It should definitely not be entered into lightly.

  1. Are you sure you really want to do this? If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know my #1 piece of advice for folks who haven't cheated yet is, "Don't do it." Why?  Because you can't turn back the clock. Infidelity is a pretty big bell that you can never un-ring. Obviously, I can't say that there aren't many wonderful pleasures that can be found in prowling (mmm..picture me smiling and getting wet as I think about a few...), but think carefully about it before you start.
  2. What do you really want? Don't just say, "sex."  That's too easy. Think beyond that.  Do you want a one night stand?  Do you want a short term fling?  Do you want an emotional relationship with a sexual component?  Do you want a long term affair?  I know, most of you dogs out there just scratched your horny little heads in confusion thinking, " it really that complicated?"  Well, it can be.  If you find a woman who wants an emotional relationship with sex and all you want is a short term fling, you may end up with a problem on your hands (can you spell s-t-a-l-k-e-r?).
  3. Are you prepared to risk the consequences of getting caught by your spouse? No, you can't just say that you won't get caught. No one starts cheating thinking they will be caught  Everyone hopes and assumes they won't be caught, yet many are. If you can't handle the consequences of getting caught, don't do it. Period.
  4. Have you thought about logistics? Take a look at 10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse and Kat's Advice for Prowling Men. These posts will give you some advice about logistics and other things you should consider in advance.
  5. How much about your life are you willing to share with someone new? Some people like to share a lot about themselves and others don't.  Don't be caught off guard and end up spilling all sorts of information you had hoped to keep private just because you didn't think about it in advance.
  6. Are you sure you are disease free? Do me a favor. Go get yourself tested.  You may think that there is no possible way you could have an STD because you have only been with your wife and she's too frigid or too moral (or whatever) to have been with anyone else, but think about this:  If you are bored with your sex life and want some thrills, she may have beat you to it. Or maybe she had a one-time fling with someone a couple of years ago and managed to keep the secret.  Many STDs are symptom-free in the early stages.  Go get checked out so you can honestly tell your new honey-on-the-side that you're clean. By the way, I am 100% certain that my husband would swear I have never, ever cheated and that I never would. Does that make you think twice about your own spouse?  It should.
  7. How are you going to be sure you don't bring any diseases home? Yeah, I know you hate condoms.  No one likes them, but not using them is extremely risky.  And here's the real truth - most married people who cheat do not use condoms.  That should scare the hell out of you because if that sweet little new piece of ass you're thinking of screwing has cheated even once, it's likely that she did it without a condom. 
  8. Do you have enough time to cheat? This falls under the logistics topic, but it's a big enough deal to be addressed on its own. If your life is too full now, you may not have time for this, and if that's the case, you could end up making some stupid mistakes (changing habits quickly, etc.) that would draw attention to your behavior and increase the likelihood of being caught.
  9. Are you able to lie to your spouse? Lying to my husband is the worst part about prowling for me.  I love the man.  I feel terribly guilty for lying to him, but I do it anyway (No, I don't feel nearly as guilty about coming in another man's arms or sucking my honey-on-the-side's gorgeous cock. Go figure.). If you are incapable of lying to your spouse, that's a wonderful thing!  It also means you won't be able to cheat without getting caught.
Like I said before, I'm not trying to freak you out.  I just want you to make your decisions about prowling like a grown up, rather than a horny dog. More than once I've entered into an affair with a man who got into it and then realized that he hadn't considered many of these things.  That's when it can get uncomfortable, and it doesn't have to be. Remember, prowling is supposed to be fun! It can be awesome if you go into it with a little preparation and with your eyes wide open.

Then you can enjoy letting your honey-on-the-side blindfold you.  ;-)


H said...

great list, really confirms for me that yes I can cheat and I know exactly what I am looking for.

Naughty Kitty said...

I liked the list as well and agree with H. What I REALLY need to do is have potential lovers read it.

Southern Sir said...

Well said Kat, all 9 points are valid and worth paying attention to.
Nothing there that should freak anyone out just good down to earth common sense.

Kat said...

The guy who freaked out when I first posted this list was a brand new fuck buddy. I think we'd only been together once or twice when he saw the list and got all upset because he realized that he *wasn't* ready to accept the consequences if he got caught (item #3). I remember thinking, "Uh....gee. Maybe you should have thought of that before you fucked my ass."

Thanks, H and Southern Sir, for your comments. It's always nice to know that fellow prowlers can validate what I've been thinking.

Liam said...

It was a good list a year ago Kat, and it's a good list now. You could add a link from #3 about getting caught and a link from #6 about your husband who would never, ever cheat. It's a strange world out there.

Luna Moon said...

This is a great list. I started cheating on my husband less than three years after we married and we have now been married for 21 years. He knows of two of my affairs. Recently, though, I have been feeling guilt (something I never really felt before).

I have totally fallen for the man I'm currently with and I worry that I will eventually hurt my husband--something I have never wanted to do. All the other men were just fuck buddies...the man I've been with for 1.5 years now is much, much more than that. I feel very trapped. I am afraid to leave my marriage and I know my lover and I have no "true" future.

You need to be emotionally balanced to conduct a double life. I don't always feel balanced, but I've managed to live a cheating life for years. But in all honesty, it's starting to wear on me. Something is going to have to give soon, I think.

Ryan Beaumont said...

You continue to be the High Queen of Proper Improperness!

Kat said...

Liam - You're right. Things have changed in the areas of #3 and #6. I should probably clarify that, huh?

Luna Moon -Thank you so much for your comment. Normally, I suggest that people should take guilt as a sign that they shouldn't be doing what they are doing; however, you love them both. That makes it more complicated. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.

Ryan - :-)