Sunday, July 17, 2011

What's Up with All the Single Guys on Ashley Madison?

The whole point of Ashley Madison is that it's a place for married people to meet each other for affairs. The tag line is "Life is short. Have an affair." On the splash page it says, "The world's leading married dating service for discreet encounters." So what's with the seeming proliferation of single guys?

I have to disclose that I haven't actually been on the site for quite a while, since I took myself off the open market, but I still get the new member notifications about weekly. For the last couple of months, every new member notification has had introductory information on 8 new men, and at least 3 out of those 8 each week are single. Huh?  Sometimes, it has been as many as 5 out of 8.

I thought this was a married dating service?

I know that anyone who isn't interested in the single guys can just ignore them, but that's not the point. I liked knowing that the men I met on that site were going to be married (or otherwise attached) and that we all understood the importance of discretion and we all shared the same risk. When you start throwing a significant percentage of single folks into the mix, it changes the dynamics completely.

I only have access to the new male member notifications, but I've heard some of my guy friends talk about the same thing happening with the women.

Does this bother anyone else?

I suppose that since the men are paying customers, AM has an interest in taking their money regardless of their marital status.

Single guys have loads of dating sites they can prowl through. There aren't many places that are focused on connecting married people.

So, to the single guys on AM I say, "Shoo, shoo...go on now. Go play with your own kind and let the grown ups have the room."


AL said...

It worries me! As a married guy, I want someone who understands my situation. Life is busy, discretion is important, etc. I know it's less of an issue with women, but the point of the site seems to be getting lost.

Profit is king I guess :)

SomewhereMan said...

It doesn't bother me....I simply ignore single women.

I prefer the women with rich husbands. They wont leave em and ruin my life :)


Anonymous said...

Yeah, I totally agree. I have been noticing more and more single women on the site and in my opinion, they need to go elsewhere and play with their own kind. Just my 2 cents...

Asian Girl said...

It's kinda weird for a single guy to be on that site. But I guess if the site required you to be married, single people would just lie and say they were married anyway.

Advizor54 said...

You answered your question already, "I suppose that since the men are paying customers, AM has an interest in taking their money regardless of their marital status. "

AM will never turn away a paying customer, even if it ultimately dilutes their niche (marrieds seeking marrieds) and becomes just another hook-up site. The genius of the idea has been stated by others, a shared risk, need for discretion, and a mutual understanding of "the situation."

I can see the short term motivation for the money, but it will kill the site eventually

Anonymous said...

I mostly agree with you on this but I have had 2 long term FWB who are single. It's definately easier to make plans with them and I have had no attachment issues or problems at all. Being where I am now in my life, I want only married now.
I have to say that if I were a married man on AM tho, I would avoid single women. Just remember all of Tiger Woods women were single. I truly believe most single women who get involved with married men always hold hope they will be the next Mrs. ;)

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

It bothers me tremendously. Not just that it makes it more difficult to sort or that there is unequal risk involved. . . but it seems like the single guys are just trying to get laid any way they can.

"Let's throw everything against the wall and see if something sticks!"

Also: I question the motives of single guys who really like to hook up with married women. They skeeve me out.

Advizor54 said...

A question for Ms. I

What is the difference in the motivation between married and single men? Aren't both looking for a no-strings-attached woman who won't bring too much drama into his life?

Why are the single guys worse than the married ones?

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

@Advizor: A lack of shared risk.

Also, I don't trust single men as readily as I trust married ones. At least the married guys already have a woman "vouching" for them; the fact that they're married proves that they were able to attract ONE woman, at least...

Advizor54 said...

I think the fact that I'm married blows your theory out of the water.



Kat said...

AL- Why is it less of an issue for women than for men? I think it's definitely an issue. Discretion is just as important for married women as it is for married men.

SomewhereMan - I *love* your perspective! LOL. However, they can still ruin your life, even if theu don't leave their husbands. Ever think of that?

YouKnowWho and Asian Girl - Yup. Thanks for chiming in.

DarkSparkles - I've broken my "no single guys" rule a few times, but only once recently, and it turns out that he was (and is) married to his work and wasn't less flexible than married men. Go figure, huh?

Ms. I - I'm with you. The shared risk thing is *very* important to me. However, it never occurred to me that because they are married, at least one other woman has picked them. LOL.

Advizor54 - I don't gte what you mean by saying that the fact that you are married disproves Ms. I's point. Can you clarify?

Advizor54 said...

Just a weak attempt as some humor.

I'm married, and I'm sure my wife wouldn't vouche for me as the town dog catcher. Just because we fooled one of you, doesn't mean we can do it again.


Kat said...

Advizor54 - Ooooooooohhh.....I get it now. Apparently, you fooled *me.* Haha.

Anonymous said...

Well,I also have to add that the sex with the single guys has been the best of my life, lol. Way better than a couple of the married guys I have hooked up with. They were scared shit less of getting caught. They shouldn't be out looking for an affair.
Just my experience and
Ms.I has a very valid points.:)I just found the single guys a better fit for me at that time.

Anonymous said...

Kat, the 1st single man was also very "married" to his work and a single father. The second one had just come out of a long term relationship. He was kinda fragile emotionally when we met but the one thing I always loved about him was how he would go out of his way to please me and treat me with respect. One of the last married guys threw me away like trash after 3 yrs. The last one has been with me on and off for 8 yrs. I love him very much but when wifey is constantly chasing him down every second it's makes any time we spend together nothing but drama.