Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Nature's Cruelest Hoax

There are many cruel hoaxes in nature. There are insects that mate and then die immediately after mating (I guess that's what you call, "sex to die for," huh?), sometimes being eaten by their own mates. Giraffes have really long necks, but no vocal chords.

When I gain weight, the first place it goes is to my ass.  When I lose weight, the first place it comes off is my tits. I shared this with a lover once (Why?  I must have been drunk  Seriously, this is not the kind of thing a woman says to impress a man), and he replied, "Well, can I fuck your tits, uh, I mean your ass, now?"  Well, played, Sir. Well played.

The cruelest hoax of nature, though, must be the mismatch in the timing of the sexual peak between men and women. The common belief is that men hit their sexual peak in their late teens and early 20's and women hit their sexual peak in their late 30's and 40's. This seems to be poor planning on the Creator's part.  If the goal is propagation of the species, why would young women not have the same sex drive as their hot young male peers, and why, for crying out loud, would women reaching the end of their childbearing years be filled with the desire to fuck anything male that isn't dead?

Now, I've done a little semi-formal research into this topic (i.e., Google) and I've learned that the "experts" say this difference between men and women is a myth.  Yes, you read that right - a myth.

Well, my official response to that is - Bullshit.  The "experts" said that PMS was a myth, too, and most of those experts are dead now.  I'm not saying that they were killed by PMS-crazed women, but you can draw your own conclusions about that.

My own personal experience has been that my sex drive has gone through the roof from about age 38 to now, and there are no signs that it's going to slow down any time soon.  I walk through the grocery store (or, if I'm really horny, an auto parts store) and every man is a "potential." I think I finally have a little understanding of what men go through. It's a cruel hoax, though, because most of you men are looking for a 20-something size 0 who doesn't even know how to give a decent blow job. It's enough to make a peri-menopausal goddess scream.

Let me be clear, however. There is not necessarily a connection between age and sexual prowess. I used to think there was, until I had the best sex of my life with full grown men, as I like to call them (ages 42, 42, and 50 - no, not at the same time, darn it). I've always preferred older men (ages 40-60), even when I was a young chickie,  because they know their way around a woman's body and they often tend to appreciate a woman who knows how to please a man by doing more than laying there and staring at the ceiling.

(Note: If you're under 40, please apply anyway. I consider teaching the next generation to be a valuable community service.  Please read Teaching a Young One.  You'll see what I mean.)

No, that doesn't mean that no younger men or younger women are any good sexually, just that there is definitely a benefit to experience. I am a much better lover now than I was at 20.

Wait a minute.....I'm a better lover now than when I was younger, and I want sex all the time, and I like the fully grown men who are supposedly beyond their sexual peak (bullshit).... Maybe that's not so bad, after all.


Anonymous said...

I see it as mastering an art, when you're a young man you approach it as a means to an end...when you mature you appreciate the journey....and your partners part in it.

Kat said...

Well said, Plan. I couldn't agree more.

Anonymous said...

As cruel as it is, biologically it makes sense to have the peak ages spread out. Although it would be better if the peak for both sexes was something like 18-60.

There's something very sexy about a woman who can give a decent blowjob, more importantly a woman who wants to give a decent blowjob!

Kat said...

Marcus-- I've often been told that few things are sexier than a woman who really wants sex...and sex with the man she's with at the moment. If only women would understand that it really doesn't take much to turn a guy on....