I had a text exchange with JJ last night. That's not unusual, but I hadn't heard from him throughout the day so I was a little concerned. I'm not sure exactly what I was concerned about. It was late in the evening and I knew he'd be driving home from work late, so I wanted to make sure he was safe. I was also feeling one of those stabs of insecurity that pops up, usually after dark, when I haven't heard from him recently. My brain starts with what I call "the crazy girl talk" - maybe he's tired of me, maybe he's avoiding me, maybe he's just trying to slink away quietly, maybe I've misread the signs.
Usually, when that kind of crazy girl talk gets rolling (which is not very often at all), I'll run it by Cara and she'll say something sweet and reassuring like, "Oh come on. Stop worrying! It's obvious that he loves you. It's written all over his face. Let it go. You'll hear from him." I feel better and I'm suddenly grateful that I took her to meet JJ. Sometimes, I'll run my crazy girl thinking by Dauntless, who is much less sympathetic. He says things like, "For godsake, Kat, please don't send him one of those hideous 'why haven't you answered me?' or 'are you ignoring me?' texts that women like to send. I hate it when women send me those." Check. That's not my style anyway. Looks too desperate.
Ok, I may be feeling a bit desperate, but I'm grown up enough and Kat enough to know that showing desperation is one of the most unattractive conditions there is. Confidence is sexy. Desperate is ugly. And feelings like this pass. They always do. Confident is my natural state. But this guy......JJ has me a bit off balance.
Then my phone vibrates. I look. It's him.
JJ: I'm on my way home. How are you?
Kat: (trying to sound "text casual") I'm great! You?
JJ: I miss you. I've been thinking of you all day.
Kat: (trying not to smile like a fool because my husband is sitting next to me) You have been on my mind all day, too. (That's the unadulterated truth. I seriously can't get this man off my mind...and I really don't want to.)
JJ: I want you, Baby...can't wait to see you again.
Kat: (letting my guard down) Oh, I can't wait, either! Are we still on for ---day?
JJ: Of course! Seeing you is the bright spot of my week!
That's it. I'm putty in his hands again. All defenses are down.
In-between texts I think about our last time together and how good it felt to be in his arms, how being with him erases all the stress in my life and replaces it with contentment, pleasure, joy.
I remember how he holds me close and looks into my eyes as he pleasures me, kissing me deeply as I start to shake. He whispers, "Cum for me." It's definitely a command, but not a command to push me to do something; it's a command to draw me in, to voluntarily surrender myself to him. I can't say anything, except "yes." My body obeys him, though. My body always obeys him. He kisses me again as I shudder and release. His arms wrap tighter around me. I feel perfectly secure.
Kat: How would you feel about getting together tomorrow after work for a cup of coffee? I know we won't have much time, but I'd love to see you.
JJ: That would be great!
Kat: You'll text me when you're done?
Just seeing him makes me feel good. He makes me laugh. The last time we met for coffee/tea he held my hand the whole time and I felt like a teenager. And I couldn't take my eyes off him.
I drift again into remembering our time together, and how after I cum he repositions me and presses his hard cock against the tightly closed entrance to my ass. "Lean back and take me in, Baby," he says. Of course I comply. Having me push myself back onto him is partly about his concern for me - letting me control the pace of entry and level of pain - and partly about commanding an act of submission, giving myself to him before he grabs my hips and fucks me forcefully, asserting his dominance (which I love!) and making us one.
JJ: Talking to you yesterday was exactly what I needed to get through that really rough day.
Kat: I'm glad I could help, but I wish I could have done more. I felt so helpless.
JJ: Don't. Just talking to you makes a big difference.
After he cums, we curl up together and talk, about anything and everything. His work. My work. My kids. His hobbies. His wife. My husband. Talk about our spouses is never about complaining or whining, just sharing everyday stuff. I can see why he loves her. I wish I could get to know her. I know he would really enjoy knowing my husband. They are alike in so many ways. But that is never going to happen.
After talking for awhile, he kisses me again, although we never really stopped kissing. Our conversation was peppered with kisses. I kissed his shoulder while he talked. He kissed my neck while I spoke. I kissed his earlobe. He kissed my breast. Back and forth sharing our thoughts and bodies at the same time. But this time he kisses me fully, letting his tongue explore my mouth, and I breathe him in.
He repositions and enters me in one slow, deep stroke. I gasp and wrap my legs around him. He stares into my eyes. I hold his gaze. We start moving together. The transition from conversation to making love is a seamless one, like it's not even two separate things. It's more like the sex is simply a natural continuation of the conversation.
Kat: I wish I could see you now. I really do miss you.
JJ: Me, too. You have no idea how much I want you. ---day seems so far away.
JJ: Too bad you can't get out for just a minute tonight.
Kat: Yeah, I know, but you know I would if I could, right? You know how I feel about you.
JJ: Yes, I know. And you know I feel the same way.
Our text conversation continues with some small talk about work about family, both his and mine. Then we exchange more expressions of desire, of concern, of ...well. some things will stay private between us.
We end the conversation and wish each other a good night and restful sleep. I can't even remember now why I was worried. Everything is fine. No, it's better than fine. It's terrific. It's perfect. I can't wait until ---day.