More on Confidence - A Guest Post from SomewhereMan

Since it was a conversation with SomewhereMan that inspired my post on Confidence and Attraction, I thought it fitting that I should ask him to share his thoughts on the topic to give you a male perspective on confidence. As always, he's right on point. :-)

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Confidence and men should go together like Captain and Tenille, at least when it comes to attraction and attention from women.

We always hear it from females: "I want a man with a great sense of humor."  That doesn't mean they want Steve Martin with an arrow in his head or Gallagher smashing watermelons.

It really means:  We want a confident man.

A man who can make us laugh.  Listen to us.  Take us from the valleys of our days and guide us to higher ground.

So much of a "confident man" comes from our life outside of the bedroom.  Mastery of whatever is important to us.  Maybe it's work.  Maybe it's being a top-notch father.  Maybe it's the ability to fix a broken down furnace or change the oil in a car.  Whatever it is doesn't really matter but, when a man feels confident, that also transfers into the bedroom.

A confident man is a horny man.

Don't believe it?

If you've ever been with a man who is unemployed or under-employed, how many times does he initiate sex?  Not as much as when he's got a good job.  That's just how we are wired.

Maybe women can compartmentalize in some elements but, for men, if our "real life" is going great, the confidence just follows.

Some "DO's" for men to stay confident.

•  Master Your Life.  You do this and everything falls into place.  I have, by no means, mastered my life, but my career is solid (as it can be in 2011, I suppose) and my parenting skills are above reproach.  Those are the two major elements of my life.  The confidence that gives me resonates off of me, say, when I'm playing with my kids at the pool or even at the grocery store.  I live life with a layer of fun throughout and people notice this. 
• Stand Tall When Walking Into a Room.  Women notice this.  When I walk into a room for a meeting, I'm standing tall, shoulders back, an easy smile for everyone in the room.  I'll make eye contact with a few people right away.  Usually it'll be the CEO, a mid-level manager and, possibly, an attractive female co-worker as I sit down.  Then, for the rest of the meeting, I'll make eye contact with everyone else.  It's not creepy but an "I know I'm what I'm doing" glance.
• Be Ready to Chat.  Maybe this is part of what I do.  I spent my workdays often surrounded by very attractive women.  In other words, I don't work in a Schlitz factory in Milwaukee.  I talk to these women the same way I would talk to sloppy guys with their bellies hanging over their belts.  Beautiful women are used to being fawned over.  Just talk to them like they're people first.  Fawn over them in the bedroom.
• Exercise.  If you can, get out and go running or lift some weights.  Do it for 10 days and your body will look tighter.  This helps with "walking tall" in the world. 

 Now for the DON'Ts.

•  Don't Just Have One Act...Have a "Second Act".  As guys, we are excellent at trying to "close the deal", at the start of a relationship.  Most of us talk a great game but, what happens, after a week when the glow of a new woman is already fading?  Where she can sense your warts and imperfections?  Always keep another layer of confidence "in your back pocket" for those situations.  Perhaps, something else that you haven't mentioned.  If you have a good career and can cook, maybe show off your cooking skills after a week or so.
• Don't Be Desperate.  Women can sense desperation and that will never help with getting them in the place you want them.  Never.  I just got "dumped" today, in fact.  But that's okay.  I knew it was probably going to happen.  Instead of flipping out, I wish her well and don't make a big deal out of it.  A few days ago, I took a different "tact" with her, knowing that she would probably want to break away.  I let her know that I look forward to getting older (unlike her).  Why?  My words: "When I'm 40, I'll have a great career, still have my hair and I take care of myself.  I certainly won't be hurting for options."  I give it a 50/50 shot that this woman reaches out to me this week. 
• Don't Think Talking Will Cure All.  We can all "gab and gab".  However, the real skill comes in listening and using those clues to become closer with a woman.  If you are in e-mail contact with a woman, scribble down what she likes/doesn't, what her family life is like and, my favorite, the best vacation she has ever taken.  Two months ago, I was juggling six women, via email (2 in real life and 4 on the virtual world).  I had a spreadsheet going with likes/dislikes... and, all of them, to a person, were impressed with how I "listened".  :)

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Be sure to visit SomewhereMan's blog, My One Wild Year.

Confidence and Attraction

I was just having a chat with SomewhereMan, and for a brief part of the conversation we were talking about confidence. About 6 months ago, I wrote 10 Things That Really Turn Me On and what was number one on that list?  You guess it! Confidence.

I wrote, "This no joke.  Nothing gets me hotter than a confident man. Just about everything else pales next to confidence. I've met some amazingly good looking men who did nothing for me because they were afraid of their own shadow, and I've met some men who others might not consider as attractive who could twist me around their little fingers because of their confidence."

That statement is still true for me.

Read any of the accounts I've shared in my naughty posts and there is one thing that all of those gentlemen have in common - confidence. Some of the men I've been with have been shorter than they would have liked, or heavier, or balder.  Yes, some have even had smaller than average penises (you remember what I said about penis size, right?). But it was their confidence and intelligence that made them most attractive.  I'm not saying that physical attractiveness doesn't matter.  In fact, SomewhereMan's story about his escapades with Charlotte are a great illustration of a) how physical beauty does not necessarily equal "good catch," no matter how willing s/he is, and b) how sometimes physical attractiveness can blind you to the qualities (or lack of them) that you are really looking for.

And physical attractiveness does not equal "good in bed."  Whoever originally invented that lie should have found a way to make money on every time it has been perpetrated over that last couple of thousands of years. Being good in bed is much more about confidence, attitude, willingness to please, creativity, and skill than it is about beauty.

But I'm not here to slam physical attractiveness.  Oh, no.  I love a good looking man.  In fact, I am glancing over at Adam's most recent HNT on my other monitor as I write this, and imagining the unbelievably hot chest/shoulders/cock and gorgeous face of my webcam buddy. Yeah, they are hot, but it's their confidence (along with several other intangible factors) that have led me to engage them in dialogue (and some in more than dialogue).  That's what makes them more than just  pretty pictures.

Let me give you a few examples of how confidence plays out in a few different situations with some of my favorites:

J - He didn't spend any time asking for critiques of his performance.  There was no, "Did you like that?"  Hell, he knew I liked it and he knew what he liked. He wasn't tentative in bed at all.  He knew what he wanted and he went for it. If it didn't work out, he went for something else.

P - After we had been together once, he didn't act shy about getting together again.  He didn't look down at his feet and shuffle and mumble, "Do you wanna see me again?" he said, "Next Tuesday at noon works for me. You?"

JJ - His confidence impressed me the first time I saw him. He carries himself like someone with a purpose. I remember one time we met in a parking lot and walked into a hotel lobby together, instead of one or the other of us getting there first. He didn't shrink and act like we were doing anything he was ashamed of.  He didn't whisper to the hotel clerk (yes, I've seen that, too).  He was matter-of-fact and confident, like he owned the place. He put an arm around me as we stood there (there were no prying eyes around) and leaned over against me. Mmmm...... that was definitely a panty-dampening few minutes of anticipation. How long do you think it took to get me out of those panties once we were behind closed doors?

M - M announced to me recently that he has decided he's going to reclaim me. Oooo! Meeeeeow! Go for it big boy!

I can already hear the wimpier among you whining, "But how will she know I'm confident until she gets to know me, but you're saying she won't get to know me unless I'm confident.  I don't get it.  Wah wah wah..."

Seriously?

A confident person is unmistakable and definitely stands out from the crowd, even online. It shows in how he walks, how he talks, how he writes, how he interacts...heck, it even shows in how he stands still. You have to believe that you are worthy of someone spending the time to get to know you a little and fuck you before anyone will. It's really that simple.

How do you do that? I know it's difficult, especially if you are in an unhappy relationship where you feel that you have been beaten down for years by someone who tells you, either explicitly or implicitly by how they treat you, that you are not very attractive or that you aren't worth much. You have to pull yourself out of it. You can't allow that person's opinion of you become your opinion of you. That may mean leaving, or it may mean making a decision to change some things in your life to reclaim who you are.

If there are some physical issues affecting your confidence level, take care of them if you can.  If they are features that you cannot change, work on accepting that they are part of what makes you unique, and that the woman or women you are supposed to have will look through those things.

To round this out, here's a brief list of DON'Ts to keep you from screaming that you are not confident enough for a woman (or man) to waste time with:

• Don't whine.  Seriously.  It is so unattractive. If you don't like something, state it in a matter of fact manner.  Little girls whine.
• Don't look down at your feet when you walk or talk. Look straight ahead or in your partner's eyes (but not in that scary, "I'm staring you down" kind of way). That shy little boy act is very cute.....on shy little boys, not on men.
• Don't act embarrassed about your accomplishments (but don't brag too much, either).
• Don't be afraid to close the deal.  She's waiting for you make the move. I was with a great guy once whose company I really enjoyed.  We got together and started talking - in a very private setting, acceptable for...well, you know.  And we talked...and talked....and talked.  I did my part.  I sat close to him.  I rubbed his leg.  I made sure that some body part was touching him lightly at all times.  The signals couldn't have been clearer - not to mention the fact that I'm Kat! For gosh sake, if I let you that close to me (which is quite an accomplishment), you're in! Know what I mean? Anyway, I stopped asking questions.  At one point he said, "What are you thinking?" (Don't you just love that question?  Not!) My answer was, "I'm thinking that I'm not sure if you're ever going to make a move." Of course, he did make a move, and he was great.

Ok, now all of these thoughts are from my perspective (and they are right, of course), but I thought you might also want the perspective of a confident man on projecting confidence, so I asked SomewhereMan to share his thoughts on the topic. Rather than append them here, I'm going to post them separately as a guest post.

His advice is good, and it's written in his easy-to-read style. Don't miss it!

Prepared

I'm meeting with my accountant today, and I'm prepared to talk about my new proposed fee "arrangement." What do you think are the chances that he'll be receptive?

Time Travel...and Other Random Thoughts

So, here's what happened..... I posted on Saturday (scheduled it for Sunday), and then I put my head down and started to work.  The next thing I know I'm getting emails from friends asking if I'm alright and where I've been.  I look up and.....OMG!....it's Wednesday night!  What the heck happened?  That's when I figured it out.  My office must be a time machine or some funky time travel portal.  Yeah, that's it.

Seriously, though, I hate it when work pulls me in like this. I don't get any sex with JJ.  I don't get to post naughty thoughts here or comment on the naughty thoughts of my buddy bloggers.  I don't even have time to annoy Dauntless!  Yup, that's when you know it's serious.

If you know anything about me, you're thinking, "But Kat, do you really expect us to believe that you were able to focus for days without any interrupting random thoughts?  What about your ADD?"  Good point. When my brain can't think about sex, it's prone to erupt with a million distracting random thoughts.  Here are a few that have plagued me over the last few days while I have been trying to work:

• Do I really have to shave my legs and underarms if I'm not going to see JJ?  Can't I just use that time to sleep instead?
• Why is there a fork under my desk and how long has it been there?
• I wonder if Dauntless would notice if I took the new toy he's going to review out of its protective wrapper and played with it a bit?
• I hate lima beans.
• Why does my pussy still get soaking wet if I haven't thought about sex all day?  Wait, is that the good kind of wet...or...? When was the last time I got up to go to the bathroom?
• It f-ing sucks that I'm too busy to even listen to the Giants game on the radio.
• Business has been pretty bad lately even though I'm busy...hmmm...what's wrong with that picture?
• Business has been so bad that I'm thinking of trying to pay my accountant with sex instead of cash. Heck, he knows I don't have any money.  I'll let you know how that goes.
• Is it illegal to trade sex for accounting services? I've traded sex with my husband to get the lawn mowed for years.
• What day is it?
• If I spend more time in this chair, my ass is going to be the size of Ohio.
• Oh geez!  Do I have an HNT picture to post tomorrow? (Don't worry, I do.)
• I miss JJ and Daunt.  When do I get to see them again?
• Mmmmm....the thought of JJ and Daunt with me at the same time.  Yowza!

I could go on (and on...and on...), but we're getting into dangerous territory now, so I'll stop.

I'll have another naughty post for you soon. I might be seeing my accountant this week. ;-)

Sunday Slacking

I'm not really slacking today.  I'm actually working, which means that my time for PWK is very limited today, so I've decided to direct you to some of my favorite posts from this week written by other bloggers.  And I'll wrap it up with a few of the most popular PWK posts that you may have missed, especially if you're new here.

Here are some posts not to be missed:

Bloggers at the Table: Responsible Promiscuity - This post by Topaz at Gemology is a nice piece about serial prowlers, and it includes  the best line I've read in the sex blogosphere this week: "Men tend to forgive bloody homicide if a girl can fuck right."  Priceless!

Don't Fence Me In - This post by Ms. Inconspicuous, author of The Anatomies of a Marriage, is simply beautiful, as are most of her writings.
Charlotte #9. Tuesday. In the Park. Not the 4th of July. - I'm only listing post #9 about Charlotte here, but you really need to read all of the Charlotte series, written by SomewhereMan on My One Wild Year. This guy really knows how to tell a story, and his account of his adventures with Charlotte is intriguing.  Also, I happen to have some inside information that there is a shocking surprise coming this week that you won't want to miss - and it will be more fun for you if you catch up on the Charlotte series first.  Trust me on this.

HNT - Being Manly - You really didn't think I could put together a list of my favorite posts from the week without including Adam's most recent HNT from The Mind of a Married Man, did you?  If you did, you don't know me very well yet. While you're at it, check out his profile pic, too.  My, it's getting warm in here, isn't it?

Because many of you are new to PWK and you probably haven't yet had the time to read back through all the previous posts, I've picked out a few of my sexy favorites for you to hold you over until I write about my next naughty encounter. These also introduce you to a few of my favorite prowling buddies.

The Best Sex of My Life

The Contender

Surrendering to M (Part 1) and Surrendering to M (Part 2)

Whatever He Wants (Part 1)

Raunchy Hotel Sex 

Young One on Fire - A Naughty Adventure with a Fireman

Ok, Prowlers, that should be more than enough to keep you busy and...uh....satisfied while I get back to work this afternoon.

Enjoy!

Lingering

I come home from seeing you and walk in my front door. I'm met immediately by husband and children, all vying for some attention, each one wanting something, but I'm distracted.  My mind is still with you even though my body is here now. My husband leans in to kiss me, a quick peck on the same lips that were passionately engaged with yours just 30 minutes ago.

I greet everyone quickly, drop my purse and move into the kitchen to start cooking dinner. As I turn into the kitchen, my hair blows in the gentle breeze created by the ceiling fan and I catch a note of your scent. I stop in my tracks and breathe in again, trying to hold you there with me, but it's gone.

I start making dinner, efficient as always, making small talk with my husband and kids as they each wander through for their few minutes of catch-up time with me.

"How was your day?" my husband asks.

"Good.  Yours?"

"It was ok," and then he goes on to tell me about what one of the boys did today and how his lunch went with that friend of ours.

Then he asks, "Anything special happen in your day today?"

Trying not to skip a beat or look up from my task, I reply, "Oh, same old thing.  You know, just lots of work..."

I don't hear the next few things he says because my mind wanders to my time with you this afternoon and the stolen hours we spent making love. I smile as I remember how you whispered, "That's my girl" to me as I came and shuddered in your arms.

I move to the dining room to set the table. As I lean over the table to place the silverware on the far side, I remember how you bent me over the edge of the bed and stood behind me, holding my hips and pulling me back onto you as you fucked me forcefully, almost savagely. I pause for a moment to drink it in, again trying to hold onto the memory for just another few seconds before one of the kids comes running in to show me something, reclaiming me.  As I turn to him, I reflect on how different the scene in our hotel room was from this civilized, family picture.

I shake my head a bit, as if I can shake off the lingering memory of your hands on my body and the sound of your breathing and moaning as you cum.  But I'm not your lover here.  I'm this little one's mom, and that man's wife. I walk back into the kitchen, a little sad as I resign myself to letting go of the pleasure of the afternoon, at least for now.

I finish the dinner and start serving it, calling the boys to the table.  My husband shouts the same instructions he's given every night for the better part of the last two decades - wash your hands, turn off the TV,  no magazines (or iPods) at the table. I finish serving as the last one takes a seat.  I look at the clock as I move to my chair.  Just an hour and a few minutes ago I was with you, completely and totally yours, focused intensely on pleasing you, enjoying you, and being your slut, and now I'm here.  I look around the table and see my boys, all looking at me, waiting for me to sit, and I'm filled with love for them - and gratitude.

As I sit down, my breath catches a little bit as a sweet soreness reminds me of that wonderful, hard ass fucking you gave me just a few minutes before we left each other this afternoon.  We both knew we had to go, but we wanted to connect one last time before your wife and my family pulled us back to our other lives. It was forceful and hurried and fantastic, leaving me with a lingering soreness as a reminder of you.

I smile, and refocus on my family, but I know you're still here, lingering and waiting for me to remember again. I'll hold onto that until I can be with you again.

Take It Easy

I was just getting some work done this afternoon and this great Eagles song came up on Pandora.  I've liked it for a long, long time, but as I was listening to it this afternoon, it sounded a little bit like a Prowler's anthem.



Substitute men for women and he for she, and it applies to me in a strange way.

"I'm runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women (men) on my mind
Four that wanna own me
Two that wanna stone me
One says s/he's a friend of mine."

And this part, too...

"Come on, Baby
Don't say Maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me.
We may lose and we may win, though
We will never be here again...."

Geez....instead of picking this great song apart, I'll just give you all the lyrics and you'll see what I mean.


Well, I'm running down the road
tryin' to loosen my load
I've got seven women on my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine,
Take it easy, take it easy
Don't let the sound of your own wheels
Drive you crazy
Lighten up while you still can
Don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

Well, I'm a standing on a corner
in Winslow Arizona
I'm such a fine sight to see
It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin' down to take a look at me
Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
we will never be here again
so open up, I'm climbin' in,
take it easy..."Alright"

Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen
my load, got a world of trouble on my mind
lookin' for a lover who won't blow my
cover, she's so hard to find
Take it easy, take it easy
don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy,
come on baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me, ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh,ooh

Oh well you know we got it easy
We oughta take it easy, yeah

(Yeah, that ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh... part strikes a chord, doesn't it? LOL)

That was a nice stroll down memory lane.  Back to work for me....

HNT - Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

Cara was relaxing by the lake this week and a friend took this lovely picture of her. Remember to comment and let sweet Cara know what you think!

The Road Not Taken

We all have to make choices in life. I've always been pleased that I could look back over my life and not regret many of my choices.  Even the ones that weren't so great played a role in making me who I am, so there aren't many I would change.

But there is one choice that I still think about from time to time, and wonder how my life would be different if I would have made the other choice. What if I had followed through with what I wanted to do, what I had planned to do, at the time?

I met him in an AOL chat room 17 years ago. He lived in upstate NY.  I lived in southern California. We flirted online, and the flirting became sexual.  Just talk, of course. Then it turned into weekly phone sex (sometimes more than just weekly).  Still, it was just talk. What else could we do living at opposite corners of the country?

But I was in love.  We were in love.

Communication was a bit different then than it is now.  Those of you who are under 30 may want to sit down because this is probably going to shock you. We had online chat (at a very, very slow speed...remember 56K?) and telephone calls, and I'm talking about regular land lines.  Cell phones were very uncommon then. They were typically called car phones and ordinary people didn't have them, so there was no texting or going for a walk and calling from around the corner. I did have a pager, though, so he could page me and I could call back or I could get myself to a phone where he could call me. To exchange photos, we had to take actual pictures, have them developed, and send them via snail mail (back then, it was simply known as "mail."). I sent panties.  He sent me CDs that I would listen to for hours on end while I thought about him and how much I wished I could be with him. We read erotica and included it in our fantasies.  He'd send me erotic books with hidden notes.

My husband asked to see my computer once when he was chatting with me and the words "I love you" popped up on the screen as my husband was looking. Yeah, that was a difficult one to explain, but I managed to explain it away (I am Kat, you know). From that point on, we used a sort of shorthand for "I love you."  He selected a particular uncommon vegetable and we would use that word as our shorthand for "I love you." Eventually, we just started using the first letter of that word as our symbol for our profession of  love for one another. No, I'm not going to tell you what the special word was because it's between him and me.  It still means something to me. Yeah, call me sentimental if you want.  Whatever.....

The phone sex was fantastic! He had (and still has) the most amazingly sexy phone voice I have ever heard. It wasn't long before just hearing his voice would get me wet. We had a standing time every week when he would call me.  It was a night when my husband was out each week and I'd be home with my oldest (at that time only) child.  I'd put the baby to bed and then go lie down in bed and wait for his call. I'd take off all my clothes and wait, fighting the urge to touch myself as I thought about him.  Then the phone would ring.  I'd answer and hear, "Hello," and I'd melt.  Every time. The sex came first.  I'd come a few times, he'd come, and then we'd just talk until it was approaching time for my husband to come home.  As soon as I hung up the phone, I'd be looking forward to the next week's call.

Yes, he was married.  He had already been married for a long time.  I had been married for about 6 years. Talking to him was easy. Listening to him talk about his marriage, his work, and his life was even easier.  He understood me.  I didn't keep any secrets from him. and he still loved me knowing even the unpleasant stuff about me. It was remarkable to me because I didn't think anyone could.

His wife was an invalid and was very dependent on him, not just for his income, but for day to day assistance like cooking, cleaning, and helping her in and out of the tub. As the years went by, she became sicker and sicker.  I knew he would never leave her.  He made that very clear, and it was one of the things I admired about him.

I made a plan to take my young son and move to New York.  I thought that I could rent an apartment near where he lived and if I couldn't be his wife, I'd be his mistress. He didn't have any children, and I wanted to give him children. I started investigating apartments and jobs and day care in his area.  I thought about what I could take with me that could fit in two large suitcases because that's all I'd be taking. I starting thinking about how I would tell my mother, my friends, my husband. I started to think about when I should go.

It was the closest I have ever come, before or since, to actually leaving my husband.

I didn't tell my lover about all the plans I was making because I didn't want him to try and talk me out of it. He was sensible and responsible like that and I didn't want to hear it.  I just wanted to be with this person who made me feel like no one had ever made me feel before - and he did it from 3,000 miles away. I was chatting with him recently and I finally told him about my plans back then and he was really surprised.  He never knew how close I came to really being his.

I can't remember exactly what stopped me. I held onto the plans for another year or so and then I let them go. Our relationship had changed to more of a friendship, although we continued to have awesome phone sex whenever I traveled, and I never worked up the courage to take the steps I needed to take to put my plans into motion. I thought about how much I still loved my husband.  What kind of woman leaves a man she still loves? That's crazy, right?  I thought about how wrong it would be to take our son away to the other end of the country.  What kind of mother does that?

So, I stayed on the path I was on, and the other path - the one that included moving to NY and following my heart and desire to be with this amazing man - became the road not taken. While I think about it from time to time, I don't regret the decision to stay.

But our story doesn't end there.  We stayed in touch, on and off, for 17 years. I started seeing W (my first real affair; see My First Affair - Who, What, Where, When, and Why), but that didn't end our relationship.  His wife passed away.  That didn't end our relationship, either. I moved to northern California, had more children, started a business. He retired, traveled around the world, and settled in a nearby state with a girlfriend. None of that has ended the relationship. No, the relationship is not like it was in the beginning.  We've both changed in some substantial ways. Sometimes we stop "talking" for significant periods of time. Sometimes we get frustrated with each other. His political beliefs annoy me now. Mine annoy him. In fact, we are so different that some of my friends have asked me why I'm even friends with that guy after they have followed some of our debates on Facebook.

What they don't know is that he holds a very special place in my heart.

What they don't know is that he is my dear friend and I love him.

Someday we may finally meet in person. Or maybe we won't. It doesn't matter. We share something very special and rare. It's a product of the early days of social media, and it has weathered almost a generation of change.
I have only truly loved 4 men in my life.  My husband is one of them. This online and phone lover that I still have never met in person is another. How do you stop loving someone who has been an important part of your life for so long?

You don't.  At least I don't.

Kat's Big Announcement ...After the Big Surprise and the Big Idea

As you might expect, things continue to move forward with my hubby.  Three weeks ago, he made his big announcement about his own infidelity (see Kat's Big Surprise) and then I presented my idea for an open marriage (see Kat's Big Idea), which wasn't as successful as I had hoped it would be. The good news is that it got us talking, which is how I was able to make my big announcement to hubby.

First, you need a little background. Hubby has forbidden me to have any male friends for years. Of course, he could have as many female friends as he wanted (because they were just friends, you know), but the only way I could have a male friend was if he was openly gay and preferably, in a long term relationship. Even then, hubby was uncomfortable. I won't go into the details of the lengths hubby went to in his efforts to ensure that I had to male friends, but let me assure you that they were extreme.

Then I met DauntlessD on AM. If you've been following the blog for awhile, you know that DauntlessD and I started out as romantic buddies and that the relationship changed course and we ended up becoming very close friends (see Prowling Friendships).  We connect every day via IM and/or text. We get together in person once a week, usually for lunch, to catch up and talk face-to-face. There's pretty much not a secret about me that he doesn't know. I know it's perfectly safe to tell him the truth about anything, and he won't walk away. When my world was falling apart recently and I was having an emotional meltdown, he was the one I reached out to for help.

In short, my relationship with Daunt has become a primary relationship in my life, and I'm closer to him than I am to most of my family.

But it was a secret.

It was a secret because hubby had forbidden me to have any male friends.

A couple of months ago, I came up with a way for hubby and DauntlessD to meet (see DauntlessD Meets Hubby), but it was a very brief meeting, and it didn't really do much to pave the way for our friendship to be ok with hubby.

It was very frustrating - ridiculous, actually. I knew that I should be able to be open about my friends with my husband, but it was just too hard to go there with him without it being a big deal.

Then came hubby's big surprise for me, his rejection of my big idea, and our new commitment to start talking with each other more and sharing more. The day came last week when I decided it was time to tell hubby the truth about Daunt (ok, most of the truth about Daunt...I withheld the truth about how we met and how the relationship started). So, one evening when we were talking and I was sharing some particularly difficult stuff about how I was feeling and coping with things in my life, I told him.

He immediately jumped to assuming it was an affair. I clarified for him that there is no sexual relationship.  It's a friendship.

He called it an emotional affair.  I clarified for him again that it is a friendship. Yes, there is an emotional component, but all close friendships have an emotional component, or they are not close friendships.

Then I took a deep breath and told him that I wasn't going to allow him to pick and choose or approve my friends anymore. I told him that Daunt was a very close friend (and I described more of the nature of the relationship) and that I wasn't going to give up that relationship. I told him that he should thank DauntlessD for helping me through some very difficult times when he (hubby) had been incapable of helping me. Then I told him that I wouldn't be hiding the friendship anymore; if I was texting him in the evening and hubby wanted to know who it was, I'd be telling him the truth.  If hubby wanted to know who I went to lunch with on a particular day, I'd be telling the truth from now on about that, too.

Hubby asked, "I suppose you're saying there's nothing I can do about it, right?"

I replied, "Well, yes, but you can choose to get to know him.  That may make you feel more comfortable, or you can treat him as a rival, even though he is no threat to you or our marriage.  In fact, he is a strong supporter of our marriage and of us working things out.  But it's up to you."

Whew. After nearly 23 years of marriage I finally took back my right to choose my own friends. It felt good at the moment I made the announcement, and it feels good now.

The other night I was slow playing my turn in a game of Words with Friends I was playing with hubby. He asked who else I was playing with.  I said, "I'm playing with Daunt, and I have another game going with his wife.  I'll play my turn in your game next." He said, "Oh," and got quiet in that way that I recognize as sulking.  I let the silence hang there. If that's what he needs to adjust to our "new normal," then he can have all the silence he needs to reflect on things.

After about a minute, I clarified for him, "I just want to play my turn with them first because I know they'll be going to bed soon so our time is limited, but you and I have the rest of our lives to play, don't we?"  And I kissed him. He smiled and leaned over my shoulder looking at my game with Daunt, and he said, "You can play 'FIX' right there."

Yes, we are slowly fixing things, aren't we?

Connection

I smile when I get a message from him - email, text, or IM - not because the content of the message is funny or entertaining, but because his effort to make the connection pleases me. I know that in the middle of his day he was thinking of me, and he took the next step to let me know by reaching out through the virtual world to find me.

When we talk about work or books or any one of a thousand other topics, we make an intellectual connection. He cares what I think and how I think, and he shares his thoughts, too, bringing the connection full circle.

When we make love, I am immersed in the power and gentleness of his physical presence and I feel the depth of our emotional connection.

When I first signed on to that online dating site for married folks, that's exactly what I was looking for - a connection. I had what seemed like a million contacts with people in my life, but they all skimmed the surface and very few made it through to actually touch me in a meaningful way. Even the primary relationships in my life had become predictable, rote, unauthentic.

I wanted a physical, emotional, and intellectual connection with someone.

Sex wasn't, and isn't enough. Chatting and talking on the phone wasn't, and isn't, enough. I wanted someone to touch me on every level, to pull me out of the isolation I had retreated to after years of self-protection.  I wanted someone to make me feel something again. I wanted someone to know absolutely everything there was to know about me, particularly those hidden things that I'd been protecting for years.  I wanted someone to push through my defenses and fears and touch the real Kat....and love her.

It's a lot to ask of someone, I know, especially when you're not looking for a spouse, but a lover, and you're not planning to leave your marriage for all sorts of complex reasons. It's asking someone to invest in you in all of those ways - emotionally/spiritually, intellectually, and physically - just for the pure joy and pleasure of that connection, without a promise or an expectation of more.  After all, how can there really be more? If you make a connection on all of those levels, isn't that as good as it gets?

Reality Check

I know that most of you are here for the naughty sex stories and the cheating advice.  Unfortunately, sometimes all that can make infidelity seem glamorous when, in reality, it's not like that at all.

Even those of us who have been doing this for a while and know most of the tricks can get sloppy after a while and take chances we shouldn't take.

So, to give us all a reality check, I found this video on YouTube called "Cheaters Vengeance." It shows some of the things wives have done after they found out their husbands were cheating.

(If you're watching this at work or some other non-private place, be sure to turn the sound down or off.  The pictures are the important part, anyway.)



Don't let this happen to you!

Re-read some of my tips  to refresh your memory about things to watch for to be sure you don't get caught.

10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse

And remember, let's be careful out there, Prowlers.

What's Up with All the Single Guys on Ashley Madison?

The whole point of Ashley Madison is that it's a place for married people to meet each other for affairs. The tag line is "Life is short. Have an affair." On the splash page it says, "The world's leading married dating service for discreet encounters." So what's with the seeming proliferation of single guys?

I have to disclose that I haven't actually been on the site for quite a while, since I took myself off the open market, but I still get the new member notifications about weekly. For the last couple of months, every new member notification has had introductory information on 8 new men, and at least 3 out of those 8 each week are single. Huh?  Sometimes, it has been as many as 5 out of 8.

I thought this was a married dating service?

I know that anyone who isn't interested in the single guys can just ignore them, but that's not the point. I liked knowing that the men I met on that site were going to be married (or otherwise attached) and that we all understood the importance of discretion and we all shared the same risk. When you start throwing a significant percentage of single folks into the mix, it changes the dynamics completely.

I only have access to the new male member notifications, but I've heard some of my guy friends talk about the same thing happening with the women.

Does this bother anyone else?

I suppose that since the men are paying customers, AM has an interest in taking their money regardless of their marital status.

Single guys have loads of dating sites they can prowl through. There aren't many places that are focused on connecting married people.

So, to the single guys on AM I say, "Shoo, shoo...go on now. Go play with your own kind and let the grown ups have the room."

The First Ten Minutes and Two Feet

I was in the room first, and I had plenty of time to change into a black negligee (no panties, of course!) and prepare for his arrival. After I was ready, I had nothing to do but sit and wait, and think about him.

The knock on the door was a welcome sound.  I moved quickly to open it and let him in, standing behind the door so the housekeeper in the hallway cleaning the room across the hall wouldn't see me. He took my breath away as he stepped into the room, and I wondered how that could be possible every single time, but it was. Tall, handsome, perfectly dressed for work, and smiling at me - exactly as I envisioned him throughout the week between our meetings, but now he was here in front of me.

Before the door closed, I stepped around the door, catching a quick glimpse of the maid looking over at us, and put my arms around him as I stood on my tippy-toes to kiss him. Kissing him was like a drug.  I could never get enough, and it was the thing I fantasized about most when we were apart.  After a moment or two, I reached for the door with my foot to swing it shut, not breaking from our kiss so I wouldn't break the focus of the moment.

It wasn't long before I reached down to unbuckle his belt, unfasten his pants, and reached in to feel his hard cock.  He moaned as I slipped my hand around it and started stroking it, still kissing each other deeply, wanting each other badly.

I slipped his pants and undershorts down over his hips, squatting down as I did so I could take his hardness into my mouth. He leaned back against the wall and pressed his hips forward, offering me all of it for sucking and stroking. While I was squatting in front of him, I could feel the cool air on my exposed pussy, and I couldn't help but wish there were two of him - one underneath me for me to ride while I was sucking on the other one of him.

But there was only one of him, of course, and I was stuck with that dilemma I faced every time I was with him. I loved the feeling of his cock in my mouth, sliding against my tongue and probing the back of my throat.  I loved how it got even harder after I thought he couldn't get any harder. I loved the way he caressed my head and petted (and sometimes pulled) my hair and moaned with pleasure. But I also loved the way he felt as he entered me, taking me - sometimes gently, sometimes roughly - pressing all the way into me and then fucking me like only he could.

I knew he had a similar dilemma that played out every week, as well. He'd say he wanted to be inside me, and I'd say, "How do you want me?" In the silence of the pause that followed, I knew he was struggling with the decision - Pussy?  Ass? Mouth?  Sometimes, he'd postpone the decision and put me on my hands and knees, moving behind me and rubbing his cock up and down my wet slit until it seemed to make the decision for him, sliding in wherever it apparently wanted to.

So, after a few minutes of sucking his gorgeous cock, I'd made a decision.  I wanted him inside me.  I stood up and kissed him again, then I motioned toward the bed and said, "Let's go over here."  As I stepped toward the bed, he grabbed my arm, pulled me back, and said, "No. Here."

Still only two feet from the door, he kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, turned me around facing away from him, and pulled my hips back against him as he leaned back against the wall behind him.  I bent over and leaned against the wall in front of me as he easily entered my pussy from behind and started moving his hips slowly. He told me to lean back against him and I felt him even deeper.

I could hear the maid outside talking to someone else in the hallway, which meant she could also hear me moaning and begging for him to fuck me harder, but I didn't care.  All that mattered was him and whatever he wanted right at this moment.

As hot and amazing as the moment was, we had our splashes of comedy, as we always seem to have.  Every now and then his cock would slip out of me, usually just as I was about to cum, because I was so wet.  All that extra time waiting and thinking about him had made it like a slip-n-slide down there, which was good of course, but it was also a challenge in this precarious position.

Then there was the light.  He was leaning against the wall right where the light switch was, so as he moved while he was fucking me, he'd accidentally flip the light switch on...then off....then on again a little later...and off. I'd laugh and move forward a bit and then - slip - oops! - he'd pull me back and slide inside me again, which would completely refocus me, until the light switched on - or off - again. LOL. Having a lover with ADD can be a challenge, as he has learned.

Eventually, I could feel the pleasure start to shoot up my back and nothing could have taken my focus away at that point.

He groaned loudly, grabbed my hips, and thrust into me deeply and forcefully, and.....

Well, you know.....

We had another three hours together that afternoon and a king size bed and large hotel room to use, but the tone was set by that first ten minutes and two feet.

Kat Keywords

I was perusing our Prowling with Kat stats this weekend, and I noticed some very interesting keywords that folks have used within the past few weeks to find PWK. Some were so interesting that I knew I had to share them with you.

Of course, the most used keywords are, you guessed it, "prowling with kat" and variations of it like prowling kat, kat prowling, shackledkat, etc. Next in line are those related to "fisting," like fisting sex, fisting, fisting videos, fisting how to, and so on.

Then it gets really wild.  Take a look at these key words.  Keep in mind that each of these was actually used by people to find PWK.  They ended up here by starting with a search for these keywords.

"Daddy sucks cock while eating peanut butter and honey" - Wow! Now there's a long tail keyword that grabs your attention! But I had no idea how that search led to us.  Then I saw it on page two of that search - Why I Suck at 69.

"Husband is emotionally distant and does not trust me" - I don't remember writing about that at all, but search is all about the words. On page 2 of that search, I found 10 Tips for Cheating on Your Spouse. Ok, makes sense.

"Licking his wedding ring' - Number two in that search brings you to Delicious Irony - A Naughty Fisting Story. If you haven't read that one yet, you should.  It's one of my favorites.

"Dog licking pussy of girl" - Whoa! How did that one lead to us?  I know I've never written about dog sex.  DauntlessD suggested that I've used the word "dog" a lot (as in, you dogs) and I've written about licking pussy a few times. When you put the two together, this is what you get.  However, I went 10 pages into that search and never found a link leading to us, so I think it's pretty strange that anyone got to PWK through that search. After thinking about it for awhile, it occurred to me that I do have a pretty hot sex story involving a dog from when I was in college.  I just may have to share that with you all one of these days.

"Naughty little bunny running through the forest picking up the field mice" - This one is all DauntlessD's fault.  At the top of that search is the link to Daunt's TMI post for June 14th. See how exciting TMI Tuesdays are?

"Something to really turn me on" - Now yer talkin'! I would expect this search to lead straight to our door, and it does.  The very first link is 10 Things that Really Turn Me On.

There are other strange search terms that I'll share at another time.  The real news is that it's pretty easy to find PWK.  Just type something naughty in that search bar.

Kat's Big Idea...after the Big Surprise

I sat directly across from Hubby in a restaurant the day after he made his big admission to me (read Kat's Big Surprise if you need to come up to speed with that). It took me about 24 hours to process what he had said to me and to think through how I should respond.  It seemed like this would be the best opportunity I would ever have to ask for an open marriage and have any chance of actually getting one.

Soon after he sat down and we ordered some water and tea, I started the conversation:

Kat:  Honey, I have an idea.  Since it seems like we both want more sex and a different kind of sex than we can get with each other, what would you think about trying an open marriage? We could both have sex with other people, but we would establish some boundaries that work for both of us, and the best part would be that we wouldn't have to lie to each other. We could be honest and upfront about what we were doing.  What do you think?

I could tell that he was shocked.  He wasn't expecting this. He wasn't expecting the blow job and sex the night before, either, but he jumped right on board with that.  This was different. His jaw dropped a little bit and he just stared at me for awhile. I didn't fill up the silence with talk; I just waited for him to say something. Eventually, he spoke.

Hubby:  I don't want that.

Kat: Why not? You told me you've been having sex with other women for years.  That is clearly what you want, so why not do it openly?

Another long pause.  Wow, he really wasn't ready for this.

Hubby: I could be ok with being honest with you, now that I've already told you, but I don't want you having sex with anyone else.  I'd be too jealous.

Seriously?  Did he just say that he wants half an open marriage?  His half is open, but my half is not? Now I was speechless. Fortunately, he continued.

Hubby:  What I mean is that if you started sleeping with other men, you'd find someone you like better than me and you'd leave me, and I couldn't handle that.  I don't want you to leave me.

How does he do that?  How does he take a moment when I am really frustrated by him and turn it into a tender moment?  It's a gift, I swear.

Kat:  I'm not going to leave you.  I've told you that.  No matter what. That's a non-issue.  I'm talking about a way for us both to be happy and have our needs met while we're together.

Hubby: Can't we find another solution besides an open marriage?

Kat: I'm listening....

Hubby:  We could go to counseling.

Kat: Okay.  You know I'm not opposed to counseling, but how is that going to make you want to have sex with me rather than other women.

Hubby: I've wanted you all along.  Sex with you has always been better than with anyone else.

It's official, I'm confused.

Kat: If you wanted sex with me all the time, why have you turned me down so much?  And why did you propose that we stop having sex altogether?

Hubby:  I thought it was a burden for you.  You work so much and you're always so tired. I didn't want to make things harder than they already are for you.

Not buying it, but go on, I thought.

Hubby: ...and you know my desire has decreased a lot anyway recently.

Oh, don't even pretend to go there....

Hubby: I was thinking that if I stop doing it with the other women then maybe you and I can have sex more because I won't use it all up on them.

Ya think???

Kat: Okay, but haven't I made it clear to you that I want more sex?  How could I have said it differently, or shown you differently?

Hubby:  Yes, you said it, but I didn't really believe it because you were so tired and busy with the business.

Kat: So, you're saying that you paid multiple other women for sex for years because you thought I was too busy and tired, even though I told you otherwise?

He went on to explain how he felt insecure about asking for sex because he couldn't handle the rejection, even though I had never turned him down. It was still a fear he had. Sex with those other women was easier because it was just a business transaction; there was no emotion involved.  There were no feelings to be hurt.  And they never turned him down, so he didn't even have to worry about that.

Yeah, I thought, we need some counseling.

In the meantime, we agreed to communicate better about sex and to make time for it every night, in case one of us wants it.  That means going to bed earlier, being prepared for it.

He agrees to stay open minded about the open marriage concept. I agree not to start telling him about rendezvous I may or may not be having until we decide on the whole open marriage issue and have a counselor.

Most importantly, we both agree that the conversation is not over.

******************************
Update

It has been about two weeks since that conversation and hubby has been more affectionate and sweet to me than he has been for years.  He's bringing me coffee in the morning, making breakfast on the weekends, and helping out more in general.

And we've had more sex in the past two weeks than we've had in the last 3-4 months.

We start counseling soon.


He's very happy.

The problem now is that I'm not. It's not that I'm unhappy because I'm not. But the sex is exactly the same as it has been for years.  No change.  No variation. Actually, there is one pretty significant change.  I can't seem to cum with him anymore. I've been married long enough to know not to make any rash decisions based on a feeling or temporary issue. There's more conversation to be had.  There's counseling.

Most importantly, there's time.

12 Reasons Why Adam Should Come to California to Visit Kat and Cara

We were wondering why Adam, author of The Mind of a Married Man, hasn't yet come to California to visit. Maybe he was waiting until he was on "break" again. Maybe he can't decide between flying into San Francisco or Sacramento (Sacramento is much easier, by the way).   Maybe he just needs a few more reasons to make the trip. Since the first two issues are non-issues now, Cara and I came up with 12 reasons why he should visit, just in case he needed some help with the decision.

And if these reasons also convince Riff, Liam, Ryan, Marcus or any of you other bad boys to visit, great!

Not in priority order:

1. Cara bakes great cookies.

2. Cara has a cute pink tool belt and can teach Adam a thing or two about....screws.

3. Adam can teach Cara a thing or two about proper drill technique.

4. Both Kat and Cara are very friendly.

5. Kat can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue.

6. Kat knows all the best places to go "sightseeing."

7. Cara is quite a sight to see.

8. Kat never loses at strip poker; Cara never wins.

9. Kat can hold her breath for a long, long time.

10. Both Kat and Cara work and play well with others.

11. The weather is always perfect in California - in a climate controlled hotel room. 

12. Kat, Cara, Adam - Threesome. 'Nuff said.

Random Kat Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and I'm lounging on the couch watching Vanilla Sky with my oldest son and pondering many things, some of which can be shared with polite company and most of which cannot. Since I can't share most of these things with anyone at home, you're the lucky ones!

First, I did it.  No, not what you think, although I did do that recently, too, as you know. I'm referring to Google +.  I got an invite and I joined. I haven't figured it out yet, of course, but I've started. I did figure out how to keep my circles from being visible from my profile, which is handy because most of my "friends" don't want to be publicly known. If your want an invite or you want to join one of my circles of buddies, just send me an email and ask.

If you read the post Alone that I wrote in the middle of the night last night, you know that I was thinking of JJ....again.  It's a common thing for me these days. I was thinking of him again this morning, and in between naughty thoughts, it occurred to me that it can't be easy to be a sex blogger's lover. Imagine the pressure. Some of that came though in Raunchy Hotel Sex. The only way to take that pressure away is to either forget about the blogging completely (which is not as easy as you may think) or for the relationship to become about more than sex. Then it's about expressing emotion and sharing ourselves with each other, and the sex is only part of the whole picture.

Interesting how in "normal" relationships, the getting to know each other and developing feelings for each other comes first and the sex follows. When it goes the other way around, things don't go well.

The Cameron Diaz character in Vanilla Sky is speeding through the streets with Tom Cruise in the car, shouting, "You fucked me four times the other day! I swallowed your cum!  That means something!"  Oh, really? See? The sex came first and she thought that it meant something that it didn't. 

But Prowlers often have the sex first (with the exception of the long distance online affairs) and know that it doesn't mean what Cameron Diaz thought it meant.  Once in a while, though, we start to get to know each other and something bigger, more meaningful develops. Sometimes it's a friendship that makes a real difference in our lives.  Sometimes it's something even more. 

The Penelope Cruz character just said to Tom Cruise, "Do you love me?  Because if you don't, I'll have to kill you." What's with all the crazy women in this movie? 

Ok, just so you don't think I'm ignoring you, I will be posting about that conversation with my husband as I promised.  It will be soon now. 

Back to Vanilla Sky.......

A Toy for DauntlessD - We Need Your Help!

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Alone

I'm laying in bed thinking about you. It's late. The room is warm, but a cool breeze wisps over me from the ceiling fan, making my nipples hard. Is it the breeze or the thoughts of you? It doesn't matter. Both are refreshing and welcome in the quiet solitude of the night.

It's dark in the room and my eyes are closed, but all of my other senses are sharp. I'm more and more aware of my body as I imagine your hands on my breast as you kiss my neck. That brush of air I feel must be your breath. The hum of the fan is the sound of your soft but urgent moaning as you kiss your way down my body. 

I spread my legs open for you, feeling the smooth soft sheet against my legs, reminding me of the very same sensation from our last time together. I reach my hand down between my thighs and trace a finger slowly across my labia. I can feel the dampness. I slide a finger between my lips and over my clit, imagining that it's your tongue. You tease me with soft, slow licks at first. I tilt my hips slightly, reaching for you, trying to press my pussy harder against your tongue, wanting more. 

Your tongue moves faster, flicking my clit  rhythmically, harder. I kick the sheet off my legs so I can pull my knees up a little to open wider for you. 

My other hand pinches one of my nipples, then the other, finding the most sensitive one and then focusing on that one, as I'd be doing if you were really here working your oral magic on my pussy.  

I start to feel the beginning charges of an orgasm rising. The dampness between my legs is now a full wetness. I can smell my sex. I remember your scent and the blend of our scents together. It's intoxicating, almost making me forget that I want to cum with you inside me. You know that's my favorite way to cum - surrendering to you as your cock impales me. 

I force myself to pull my hand from my pussy and grab the vibrator in the nightstand drawer next to me. I pull my knees back further and slide it inside me. For a moment I lose my focus and I'm aware that I'm nude on my bed fucking myself with this vibrator, but it only takes a second for my mind to pull you back to me. I imagine you on top of me and I wrap my legs around you as you fuck me.  I feel your hard cock inside me and I can feel your strong chest and shoulders over me. I can see the intensity and desire on your face through the darkness. 

I turn the vibrator on as I start to cum, pumping it in and out quickly, just as you pump me hard and fast when you feel my cunt tightening around you. 

I feel you leaning down to kiss me as I release, and as you release into me. I can taste you. I can feel your tongue in my mouth as I shake with pleasure. 

I pull the vibe out and for a moment I'm alone in the dark again, physically satisfied, but alone. I turn onto my side and imagine I'm curling up next you, your arms around me, your skin against my skin down the length of our bodies. I brush my hair away from my face the way you do. 

I imagine your kiss again, and I drift off to sleep  - not alone, but with you.

PWK Night Out

Last night was a long time coming. We finally got the whole Prowling with Kat team together...in person!

We met at 5:00, right after work, for a nice dinner and drinks - me, DauntlessD, Cara, JJ, and our friend Beth.  This was the first time that DauntlessD and Cara had met in person (can you believe that?), so Cara was a bit nervous, and I suspect that DauntlessD was, too, but he's too smooth and cool to ever let on that he's anything other than perfectly calm.

I wasn't nervous at all because I knew everyone at the table.  I love these guys! As I looked around the table, it occurred to me - I've been naked in bed with two of these folks and I've seen three of them naked.  Isn't that a full house, or something? ;-)

Yes, we are a veritable mix and match crowd of sexual exploration.....except that two of us are already matched and our exploration with the others is primarily visual.

So, what would be the best way to help Cara relax?  Get her drunk, of course!  I asked the waitress (I guess the correct term now is "server") to bring a nice big iced, not blended (so she'd drink it faster) pomegranate margarita since that's what she wanted to try. Don't you just love those places that serve booze in the big water tumbler sized glasses?  A beer for Daunt and we were on our way to everyone loosing up for some fully clothed fun.

We talked about the news in the infidelity and sex  blogosphere. The very sad breakup with Meredith on a6y (yeah, we saw it coming a long time ago, but it's still sad). Yet another "break" coming up for Adam and Holly (and Cara and I brainstormed all the reasons why Adam should now come to California to see us!).  Is Riff really taking another long break?  Really? We talked about our current favorite blogs - Cara loves Pickles in My Ass. I'm in love with The Mind of a Married Man, The Accidental Philanderer, My One Wild Year, The Anatomies of a Marriage, and The Ashley Madison Adventures of a Regular Guy Gone Bad.

JJ slid into the booth next to me and it was all I could do not to snuggle up against him and kiss him.  We were in public so that was simply not possible.  Not only were we in public, but we were in a place where many people knew JJ, and many also knew that I am not his wife, so we had to stick to a strict hands off policy - except for the occasional legs rubbing together under the table or elbows touching. Each touch sent a little charge through me.  At one point, I almost just put my arm around him absentmindedly, but I stopped in time. Yes, there are times when being in hiding like this really sucks.

DauntlessD, Cara, and I have been planning to take an HNT photo together, but we just haven't had the time to get together to make it happen.  Maybe we'll manage to take care of that this summer. In the meantime, I thought it would be nice to have some kind of a photo that we could share with y'all, so we put our hands on the table and tried taking some pictures of our hands. The waitress...er...server...came over and asked what we were doing.

Kat:  We're taking pictures of our hands. (When in doubt, just tell the truth.  It's simple.)

Server:  Why? (Excellent question.  This gal was bright. Clearly, I wouldn't be able to fool her easily.)

Kat: So we can put a picture of our hands on our blog. (Again, the truth.)

Server: Really?  What kind of a blog is it? (Dauntless raises his eyebrow at me and smiles his incredibly sexy little amused smile. I know what he's thinking.  He's wondering how I'll get out of this one.)


Kat: It's a.....hand...blog.  (Yeah, I know I'm smooth.  Don't try this at home.)

At this point, Cara is stifling a laugh, DauntlessD is just shaking his head, and Beth has a look on her face that says, "Who are these people?" 

Server: (looking a bit incredulous) What's the blog address?  The URL?

I look to Daunt and Cara for help.  It's clear that I'm on my own.  Thanks.  Great friends you are. Daunt is giving me that "You got yourself into this mess..." look.

Kat:  Uh....I don't remember. (When in doubt, don't be afraid to look stupid.  It's even easier than the truth for some of us.)

The server just walked away. I thought that was a bit rude, but I was still glad.  I was out of scintillating conversation and plausible lies.

After 20+ tries (have you ever tried to get a group of people to agree on a picture?) we finally came up with a few pics we liked. So, here you go.....the very first pic of Kat, Cara, and Daunt together...

It was a fun evening.  Next time, we'll have to pick a more private setting. ;-)

Can I Get Some Help with This, Please?

I'm wearing one of the world's cutest bras today, but I really need someone to take it off me.....

Raunchy Hotel Sex - Version 2

I made a pledge to have some raunchy sex and write about it, and I did. Raunchy Hotel Sex is a reasonably accurate account of my afternoon of hot sex with JJ, except...... I left a few things out.  In fact, I left out the parts that were funny, awkward, romantic or otherwise decidedly un-raunchy. This post will fill you in on the rest of the story.  For those of you who want to hold onto the image of an afternoon with nothing but raunchy sex, please read no further.  For the rest of you....

As I said, I arrived before JJ and waited in the parking lot checking my email.  Specifically, I was checking and responding to an email from J (remember The Best Sex of My Life?).  It seems that my pledge to have raunchy sex within 24 hours got some attention.  J couldn't help with the 24 hour timeline, but he had a suggestion for next week.  Those of you who have read the posts about J know that he's special to me. I also heard from C (Afternoon Fun in a Honda Civic) who was willing to help me out with the pledge, and he suggested that we upgrade from a Honda Civic to raunchy minivan sex. Aren't I a lucky gal?

Anyway, JJ showed up and we went inside.  Guess who was at the registration desk?  You guessed it - Strange Hotel Guy! JJ was dealing with him and I was just standing next to him.  When Strange Hotel Guy looked up at me, I smiled.  I was thinking, "So, Strange Hotel Guy, you're not so chatty and flirty now that JJ is here with me, are ya?" I was pleasantly amused that this time Strange Hotel Guy looked a bit nervous and uncomfortable.  I wondered if he thought I had told JJ about the encounter we had that day last month. It didn't matter.  Watching him squirm a little was just plain fun.

When we went to the our room (not our usual room, but a new one...what's up with that?), the really raunchy story would be that we started kissing and ripping each other's clothes off before the door closed. The truth is that we were talking about life and catching up a bit as we got undressed - him on one side of the bed, me on the other.  Then we climbed into bed like an old married couple (ok, not that old) and got busy. Not exactly porn movie stuff so far, huh?

Ahhh...the kissing, the quick orgasms, the need to fuck each other quickly, the lube, etc. - all true. All gloriously true.

But then we hit a speed bump.

I got up and walked around to the edge of the bed, spread my legs, bent over, etc.  He hurried over and started fucking my ass (mmm....I absolutely love that!) but the angle wasn't right.  I stepped back a bit.  No, still not right.  I stood up on my tippy toes (I am a rather short Kat). Ok. Good...for a while. Try this. I grabbed onto the sheet with gave way immediately.  Gosh darn it!  It's not a fitted sheet, but just a top sheet tucked in so it came loose immediately. Then I was trying to hold onto something for leverage while standing on my tippy toes, hips tilted just right, while dealing with a little pain (ouch!)...and then there was so much going on that my ADD kicked in and I was no longer "present." My mind started thinking about everything from the stupid flat sheet, to the housekeeping cart outside (I wonder if they have a damned fitted sheet I can steal?), to the full wall mirror directly in front of me (Hello! That's a view of me I don't get very often.), to how I was going to make this sound raunchy for y'all...and it went on and on.  Finally, we both became exasperated and stopped.  Ugghhhh!!!

JJ exclaimed, "There's just too much pressure to make it raunchy!"  We both laughed at that.  I agreed it was a mistake to go into our time together with an expectation that I'd be writing about it.  Stupid move.  I told him about a story that Riff told about thinking about how he was going to write about an experience while he was in the middle of "the act." It's not an uncommon thing for bloggers to experience. We decided that we would kick the rest of you out of our bed, forget about raunchy, and just do what we wanted to do. Interestingly, that's when it got really good (as it usually is with us) and raunchy.  Go figure.

As long as I'm confessing..... I said that JJ said, "I love you, Kat" as he was leaving. That's not exactly the truth.  The reality is that when we are together, we are exchanging feelings, expressions of love and sweet talk the whole time.  Then there's the dirty talk when we're having sex (I love dirty talk). And the chit chat in between "rounds."  Ok, the truth is that JJ and I are talkers.  We're always talking to each other, except when we're kissing, although sometimes we're talking through that, too. I left out all the talking in the first version of the story because it interfered with the raunchiness. Seriously, did you really want to hear about how we talked about Cara's fondness for spumoni ice cream just seconds before his hand was on my clit and I was screaming in pleasure?  I didn't think so.

Whew....ok...now you have the whole story. Part raunchy, part very "normal," but definitely real.

Raunchy Hotel Sex

I arrived at the hotel first and found a shady spot in the parking lot to park while I waited for him to arrive. He picked this hotel, so I knew he must know where it is. I checked my email until he arrived. When he drove in about 10 minutes later, he parked right next to me, giving me a chance to check him out before he got out of his car - ball cap, salt and pepper hair, decidedly distinctive looking - handsome in a unobtrusive kind of way. He's the kind of man you wouldn't think of as particularly handsome if you saw him in a crowd.  Oh, you'd definitely think he was good looking, but when you looked closer you'd see it and wonder how you missed it before.

We both got out of our cars and greeted each other.  Yes, he was worth the wait.  Khaki pants, deep blue shirt (royal blue?), an engaging smile. I reached out to give him a hug; he kissed me as I reached my arms around him.  It wasn't a sweet little "nice to meet you" peck of a kiss.  It was an open mouth, tongue probing "let's get through the formalities and get busy" kind of a kiss. After a little while, he pulled away from our kiss, whispered, "Let's go inside," and took my hand leading me to the front door of the hotel. It was only then that I noticed how exposed and out in the open we had been with that passionate kiss. I made a mental note to myself - "Kat, it doesn't matter how much you want him.  Be careful!"

We walked into the hotel and he stepped up to the counter to check us in, giving me another opportunity to enjoy looking at him trying to act like it was the most normal thing in the world for two people to be checking into a hotel on a Thursday afternoon without a reservation and without any luggage. I thought to myself, "Yes, I think I'm definitely in for something raunchy this afternoon." He looked over at me.  I just smiled.

We got up to the room and within minutes our clothes were off and we were in bed. Like most women, I spent some time thinking about which undergarments to wear for this meeting.  I chose the sunflower bra I was wearing in this HNT photo and some matching panties,  but it didn't matter. I don't think he even saw them before they came off.

The second we hit the bed, his arms were wrapped around me and he was pulling me closer, kissing me deeply again. Ahh....that kiss outside had just been a warm-up. We kissed for what seemed like a long time, and I was getting hotter and more ready with each passing minute. I suspected he knew this because every now and then a hand would wander to my breast, pinch my nipple a bit, and then withdraw as soon as I starting moaning.  Then a hand would slide between my legs, brush against my already throbbing clit, and then pull back again.

I reached down and found his cock, nice and thick, very hard, dipping with precum.  I smiled.  Good. I'm not the only one who's anxious for this. As I stroked his cock, his hand found my clit again, but he didn't pull back this time. His fingers circled it for a while until I started rocking my hips, pressing against his hand. Then he started flicking it with the tip of his finger exactly like I like it, and it wasn't long before I was cuming hard, screaming into his mouth as he kissed me.  Yes, it was the same long, deep, passionate kiss.

After I came, his fingers kept moving on my clit and I tried to wiggle away because the sensation was just too intense, but he held me firmly in place (Mmmm.... I thought.  Strong. ) and whispered, "No, you're going to cum again."  I tried to protest, but he thrust his tongue into my mouth so I couldn't speak as his fingers went to work. It's hard to describe the alternating feelings of painful intensity as he rubbed my swollen clit that was still sensitive from orgasm #1 and the overwhelming pleasure that was almost being forced on me. As orgasm #2 started to reverberate through me, I was begging him to fuck me and telling him how much I wanted him. So much for playing hard to get.  I never was good at that, anyway.

"Good," he said.  Then he stopped suddenly, leaving me breathing heavily and confused, until I saw that he was moving to his knees and motioning for me to get on my hands and knees in front of him. I had just gotten into position when he grabbed my hips and slammed his cock inside me. The first thrust was so forceful that it knocked me down onto my forearms.  I grabbed onto the sheets, but they didn't give me any support so I reached one arm up and pushed against the headboard to steady myself as he fucked me harder and faster. I started cuming again - or was that just the rest of orgasm #2?  Did it matter?  No, it didn't matter. I felt it rush through me as I pushed back against him. I tried to focus on it, to savor the moment..... He came shortly thereafter, moaning loudly as he drove his cock into me in one last thrust. He leaned over and kissed my back, then he rolled onto his back next to me, pulling me to kiss him again.

We kissed and made small talk for awhile. He was funny, easy to talk to.  There weren't any awkward silences that you might worry about in this situation. After about 10 minutes, I reached over to the night stand as he was talking and grabbed the lube that I had brought with me. I flipped the cap open and poured some on him and started spreading it around with my hand. He was hard again within a few strokes...I alternated between stroking his cock, rubbing his balls, and sliding my fingers down to asshole, teasing him there before moving back to his cock. When I first started stroking him, he was still talking, but he was silent by the time I squeezed his balls the first time, and he was moaning as I pressed my finger into his asshole.

He started pumping his hips as I stroked him, and I could feel him getting very close to cuming.  I watched his face.  His eyes were closed, and I could tell he was trying to decide if he was going to let me make him cum with this sweet little hand job or if he was going to ask for more. I wasn't going to make it easy on him.  He'd have to make a move or settle for the hand job.  I waited.

Suddenly he said, almost like it was an emergency, "I want to fuck your ass," and he started to sit up to move behind me again.  This time I climbed off the bed, walked around to the foot of the bed, spread my legs, and  bent over the bed leaning on my hands.  I looked up and smiled at him. He laughed and said, "yes!" as he leapt out of the bed and almost ran to get behind me. I giggled, too, thinking, "Yes, raunchy can be fun."

He positioned the head of his cock against me and I pushed back against him. At first, my body wasn't letting him in.  I took a deep breath, tried to relax, and pushed back against him again. I felt the shot of pain before I felt his cock slide into my ass.  I squealed and tightened my grip on the sheets, thinking, "Damn! That hurts every f-ing time!" Before the pain subsided he was fucking my ass quickly, with several fast shallow rabbit strokes followed by a few hard, very deep thrusts so forceful that they lifted me off my feet. I tried to re-establish my footing between them, but I couldn't. I had lost control.  He had it. I held tight onto the edges of the bed and the sheets while he fucked me, thoroughly enjoying the sounds and sensations of him using me for his pleasure.

When he finished, we crawled back onto the bed and just rested in silence for awhile. There was more small talk.  More kissing. We checked the clock.  There was still an hour left. More kissing. I sucked on his nipples.  He sucked on mine. We touched each other all over, exploring, feeling for sensitive spots that drew a reaction. When either of us found one, we played there for awhile before moving on.

Soon, his hand found my pussy again and he started sliding a finger inside me...then another...another.... As he finger fucked me I could tell he was feeling around, trying to find the spot. When he hit it my legs jerked back involuntarily and I gasped.  "Found it," he whispered.  I started to laugh, but not for long.  Within a few seconds I was bucking against his hand and starting to shake.

He quickly rolled on top of me, climbing between my legs, and slid his cock inside me - all the way in, one long, deep stroke. I arched my back and pulled my knees up so I could feel him deeper. This time it was slow and deep.  He let me set the tempo, allowing me to cum and stretch it out as long as I could.  I could see the intensity on his face as he tried hard not to cum as my cunt tightened around him.  He held back until he knew I was almost at the end and then he released into me. I grabbed his shoulders and wrapped my legs around him, squeezing, tightening, claiming every last bit of him.

He collapsed on the bed next to me again, breathing heavily. More resting.  More small talk. And yes, more of that fantastic kissing. We looked at the clock.  Only 30 minutes left. I wondered, is it possible? Could I get one more time out of him?

I asked him a question and he started talking (I have learned that is the best way to keep a man occupied.  Well, it's the second best way.). I kissed his chest as he spoke.  He kept talking.  I kissed his belly.  He kept talking.  Clearly he didn't think there was another round in store for us in the next 25 minutes. I took his cock into my mouth and started sucking it slowly. He stopped talking - mid-sentence. I squeezed his balls gently and pressed his cock all the way into my throat. He started moaning, holding onto my hair, and rocking his hips, forcing himself deeper into my mouth and throat. Very nice, but that's not what I had in mind.

I reached for the lube again and dribbled some on his cock, sliding it around with my hand, remembering the spots that made him so powerless earlier, then pulling back - teasing him like he had been teasing me when we first started a couple of  hours earlier. When he was rock hard again (for the 4th time - impressive!), I rolled onto my side with my back to him, reached back and spread my cheeks, and pressed against him. His well-lubed cock slide easily into my ass this time, and this time he was the one moaning as I started moving against him. He grabbed onto my hip and started thrusting.

"That's it," I said. "Fuck my ass harder...like you know you want to."

He complied.

"More," I demanded.

"Come on, Baby.  You know you want to cum in my ass one more time, don't you?"

He screamed as he pushed into me deeply and came.

Afterwards, he kissed me again. The he looked at the clock.

"Shit! I have to go!" he said, and he jumped up and ran into the bathroom, turning on the shower.

While he took his shower, I just relaxed there in bed.  Yeah, I had to get back to work, too, but I didn't have the time pressure that he did, so I could afford to lounge around a bit.

After his quick shower, I watched him while he got dressed. We said our thank you's and goodbyes.  He picked up his keys and his phone and came over to the bed for one last long, deep kiss before leaving for work.

Just before he walked out the door, JJ said, "I love you, Kat."